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The addiction to the Internet seems to be a concerning issue, and many people suffer from it


Yusuf05 11 / 14 2  
Aug 31, 2016   #1
Distinguish contributors and fellow writers, please asses my writing.
Any feedbacks would be help

THE INTERNET HAS MADE HUMAN LIVES MORE CONVENIENT
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The affair of individuals is mindlessly to accomplish in line with the anchor of the internet. This essay will stand to encounter such notion on the basis of cyber crime and over reliance induced by the internet.

It is undeniable that the internet crime perpetrated by inhabitants has been growing rapidly. Every single person is able to publish any kind information provoking potential perpetrators to get ones' personal details and committing perpetration through virtual milieu. Taking social media for example, in stage with the proliferation of its users, several cases regarding to personal account abuse were reported. Hacking Facebook account became widespread at the recent times resulted on more of loss to its members. At the end, the internet seems to be associated with the increasing number of criminals.

Furthermore, the dependency of mankind with the internet may consider as highly critical as well. Since the internet spoiled users with disparate features, there is, then, a tendency that human who intensively surf the website is likely relied too much on its provided services. It will be easy to describe by looking at how students in particularly use online translator to translate a passage into their native language, making the process of comprehending task become effortless. As the consequence, the degree of learners' acquaintances tend to be solely stored on device. Thus, it is true to argue that the excessive number of the internet services leads human being to be dependance.

To sum up, perpetration and addiction on the internet seems to be a concerning issue suffered by inhabitants lately. Hence, human need to be wisely in utilising any sort of devices for prompting their activities.

*if possible, please indicates how far I've done with my stance

Thanks in advance.
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Aug 31, 2016   #2
Hi Yusuf, I think your essay is pretty good, but to me it sounds like you are using a lot of words you are not that familiar with. Stretching your vocabulary is a good idea, but if you use a fancier word whose connotation isn't quite right, it makes your writing sound more unnatural and unpolished than if you had used a more basic word correctly. I would advise reading as much as possible in English - magazines and newspaper articles - to naturally improve your vocabulary.


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