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'adequate rest and sleep are essential' - IELTS- Writing task 2



kurianjoseph1 8 / 18  
Nov 20, 2012   #1
Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.
 Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.

Leisure time is essential to relieve stress and tiredness. Some people believe that everyone should spent their free time by reading books or magazines and solving puzzles in order to improve their knowledge and IQ. However, I do not concur with this view, as it is essential for everyone to take rest during our busy life.

The reason why I disaccord with the idea of doing activities during leisure time is for our own health and safety. Since health and safety comes first before anything, prolonged use of body and mind without rest will result in headaches and dizziness. For instance, At work, if a person uses the laptop for 24 hours without any break, he or she may suffer from headache or may create eyesight problems because of radiation. That is why every person should get enough rest during his or her busy life.

Obviously, no human being will be able to work continuously for a very long time as the body becomes exhausted and he or she won't be in a position to carry out any tasks. With the absence of free time, the person does not have the capacity to think and take decision. Consequently, this will affect his or her efficiency.

In a nutshell, adequate rest and sleep are essential ingredients to revive our body and mind. Despite, the fact that reading novels or solving puzzles may improve the knowledge and mind, it is not worthwhile to sacrifices our health.

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 661  
Nov 20, 2012   #2
I think the essay a little deviated from what the topic asked. Compare two stated types of leisure activities and mention why one of them is better than the another. For example you could say that "playing video games" provides people with exciting moments, which positively influences their mental state (just an example).
joythblessy 86 / 266  
Nov 21, 2012   #3
Hai kurian..

Rest activities is accoding to our daily routine.

It is not good for a computer programer to red books in his free time...
Need mental rest ,
and physcial activities :ex: out door games

Same way, physcialy working people, ex: a farmer, need physical rest.
Can Choose reading in their free time...

Read others essay in the same topic...

In this forum on the top there is option for searching. You can use it...

Best of luck..
OP kurianjoseph1 8 / 18  
Nov 21, 2012   #4
Thanks ah_zafari and joythblessy for the feedback.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 21, 2012   #5
Good Introduction : )

as it is essential for everyone to take a rest during our busy life.

------------ This is not a complete sentence. Look at the suggestion provided by Ahmad;

It is dangerous to say things abruptly; that disturbs a smooth flow of your ideas and make the reader bored. Always do your best to maintain the clarity of your sentence. With what Ahamad has added, the sentence now looks more clear and easy to understand.

Overall, you write very well and understand the structure that you need to follow. So it's a matter of coming up with good points and reading others' threads would be very helpful for that : )


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