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IELTS Writing Task 2 : Money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness.


naruetai 1 / -  
Oct 5, 2016   #1
Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness.
Do you think people can be happy without money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?


It is considered by some that money is a key to happiness. In my opinion, happiness can be found without money and some aspects such as belief and good health are the important part of happy life.

Most of the people work for money so they can enjoy their well being. However, something can not be bought by money alone. To be more precise there are some self satisfactions which can be gain by having a good attitude, for instance, Buddhist monks are trained to be solitude and forsake greed, as a result, their happiness is not tied to money or possessions. It is their understanding in life instead that leads them to true happiness. In addition, giving and helping are main concerns for some people who value others well being as their own. A clear example of this is nonprofit organization, the volunteers work tirelessly to help strangers or animal without getting paid because their contributions for building peaceful society make them feel useful and be proud of themselves.

With regards to the question of happiness influencing aspects, being realistic is one of the most important factors. A number of people have to fail miserably in his or her expectation as a result of setting it too high. Disappointment can be a huge obstacle for happiness, therefore, understanding the situations and expecting reasonable results are essential. Furthermore, the general condition of body and mind contribute to overall happiness too. In other words, wealth has no use if you do not have a fully functional body and good mental health. One clear example is children tend to be more cheerful than elders who are unhealthy.

In conclusion, money is not always essential in order to live happily and there are different aspects such as mindset and health that are necessary for living in peace. People should make sure they are not heavily focused on money, therefore, they might ignore real happiness.
korbansuspendcuy 8 / 18  
Oct 5, 2016   #2
Hi..
you have already got a good essay..
just a slight errors..

self satisfactions which can be gained by having ...

... because their contributions for building[to build] [presumably, it is more appropriate collocation][the] peaceful society

keep writing..
Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Oct 6, 2016   #3
Hi naruetai.i give some advice,perhaps useful for you.
1.It is considered bysome that money is a key to happiness. ----> you must explain more to make this sentence clearly. someone or some people?

2. A clear example of this is nonprofit organization, the volunteers work ... ----> this in that sentence mention to the ?
3. ... satisfactions which can be gain by having a good attitude, for instance, Buddhist monks are trained ... ----> careful with punctuation. better you put dot (.) before you give for instance/for example.

4. This is the type of agree or disagree question.you should be put clearly statement in the early passage that you are totally disagree with the question.


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