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Should adolescents be obligated to use their spare time for helping their residences without wages?


kimthanh194 2 / -  
Jul 16, 2018   #1

compulsorily work for society?



Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.

It is considered by many that adolescents should be obligated to use their spare time for helping their residences without wages. While those people agreeargue that this idea would bring many advantages to both the community and the individuals taking part either social community and individuals, I completely disagree with this viewpoint.

On the one hand, helping social community by that method is not effective. This is not an effective method to help communities. The first reason is that teenagers who are required to do unpaid jobs can feel unwilling, and they will reluctantly complete their tasks. As a result, their works might acquire a low efficiency will be sloppy and inefficient, or even being ruined detrimental. The second reason is that adolescents usually lack of skills and experience, social organizations, therefore, will waste of time guiding them before they are able to do anything.using to implement social tasks.

On the other hand, teenagers should use most of their time to enhance their knowledge as well as their skills for helping their relativesnext of kin. Firstly, teenagers are usually weak on many aspects of their lives such as communication, career orientation, etc. Thus, their spare time should be used to improve their abilities by reading books, doing some small surveys relating to them ., and thisThese things areis also a good way to relax after school. Secondly, doing housework not only helps their parents but also build up teenagers' skills to live independently after 18. For example, by preparing meals for their families, adolescents can cook meals themselves when they become adults.

In conclusion, although many people agree that adolescents should compulsorily work for society without payments, I do not support to this idea due to aforementioned reasons.

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Jul 17, 2018   #2
Thanh, I cannot say that your essay is clearly understandable nor is it cohesive or coherent in presentation. That is because you are often referring to synonym words in a manner that tells me you were unsure about which term to actually use and, you tried to use advanced English words without really knowing how to properly construct a sentence to use the words in. You are also repetitive in content in some paragraphs. These are the major problems with your essay that would most likely result in a failing score in the end.

Redundancy Example:

On the one hand, helping social community by that method is not effective. This is not an effective method to help communities.

- Your clearly state the topic sentence twice in this paragraph. You could have simply said "This is not an effective method..." without using a comparison point since this is not a comparison discussion but rather a single opinion essay.

GRA Weakness Sample:

or even being ruined detrimental.

- ruined = a state of decay, collapse, or disintegration.
- detrimental = tending to cause harm.
- The words you used in a single sentence have 2 different meanings. They do not connect and make the sentence difficult to understand. Pick one or the other. Better yet, use only one term in the sentence, never both.

them ., and thisThese

- Punctuation errors and grammar use problems. Use a period and then start with "These" instead, connoting a new sentence and statement.


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