Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


We should adopt a prudent attitude towards new comrades and rely on proved friends


Crystal812 23 / 55 11  
Jan 28, 2016   #1
It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. (TPO3 writing)

Hello! I have just completed my piece of writing but don't have anyone to help me out. Hope that you guys can help me. Thanks so much.

Within the last generations, there has been an unprecedent development in Internet technology. Due to the great innovation, it is easy for us to make large number of new friends in our daily life. However, personally speaking, I believe that it is more crutial to keep old friends than it is to make new friends, and I would like to present three reasons why I insist on this opinion: emotions, hobbies and values.

First of all, old friends have a good command of the paths of our feelings and emotions becuase they have been in relationship with us for many years. Let us form a picture in our mind: who are there waiting our complaints when we are punished by the boss during the daytime and never give us any hard time when we feel frustrated? That's our old friends who accompany with us for several hours just delivering tissues to us.

Second, it is old friends that share the same hobbies with us so that every weekend we can find guys who play computer games in team with us or girls who go shopping together. Take myself as an example: I have a particualr interest in vampire movies or tv series; in consequence of that, there is always an appontment discussing vampire stories with my best girl every Sunday afternoon. I mean you can not imagine me talking about horror characters with some acquaintances.

Last but not least, there is no doubts that old friends have the similar values and virtues with us. Admittedly it is excited to make new relationship with others, however, the process maybe risky. For instance, some people are relatively dishonest and disreliable, which could make an adverse impact on us. In comparison to old ones, new friends are likely to render us to feel uncomfortable.

From my point of view, even if the technology has allowed us to make new friends quickly and conveniently, we should adopt a prudent attutude towards new friends. And at the same time keeping old bodies is vitally important for us, from the aspects of feelings, hobbies and virtues.
erin24 12 / 13  
Jan 28, 2016   #2
... there has been an unprecedented development in the Internet technology.
... I believe that it is more crutialcrucial to keep old friends than it is to make new friends, ...

... a good command of the paths of our feelings and emotions becuasebecause they have been in ...
That'sThat is our old friends who accompany ...

Second, it is old friends that share the same hobbies with us so that every weekend we can find guys who play computer games in team with us or girls who go shopping together . That is our old friends who are share the same hobbies with us.Take myself as an example: I have a particualrparticular interest in vampire movies or tv series; in consequence of that , there is always an appontmentappointment of discussing vampire stories with my best girl friend every Sunday afternoon.

Last but not least, there is no doubts that old friends ...
For instance, some people are relatively dishonest and disreliableunreliable, which could ...

... we should adopt a prudent attutudeattitudetowards new friends.

please notice your spelling and subject verb agreement
OP Crystal812 23 / 55 11  
Jan 28, 2016   #3
Thank you so much !
I only got 30 minutes in the test, and had no time to check details. I would try some typing practices to make it better.
Apart from spelling, would you care to say something about content and structure and give a mark for the essay please ?
erin24 12 / 13  
Jan 29, 2016   #4
Could you please to develop your idea more creative? I think your reason in your writing is too common. You could add some interesting ideas that reader do not recognize before. Therefore, you can improve your score.
cinrb2312 1 / 3  
Jan 31, 2016   #5
I think the content of your essay is good as is, just check for grammar and you are good to go.


Home / Writing Feedback / We should adopt a prudent attitude towards new comrades and rely on proved friends
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳