IELTS task 2: advantages and disadvantages of keeping animals in zoos

Thanks in advance for commenting on my work.

animals in captivity

Topic: Some experts believe it is better for animals to live in zoos where they are safe and are given all the food they need

Do you think that living in zoos has more advantages or more disadvantages for animals?

We have been keeping animals in zoos for a very long time. It is believed that because zoos can provide safety and food to animals, it is better for them to live there. However, there are several points we should take account of when doing this.

The advantages of the zoos are obvious. When staying in the zoos, the animals are safe from predators, harsh environment conditions, and are provided with enough and proper food and care. For animals that are rare or in danger of extinction, this is also a crucial part of action to an effort of conservation and protection. As they can lead peaceful life without worrying about anything, we can help them gradually raise their number again. Therefore, zoos play an essential part of taking after animal activities.

Nevertheless, for the animals kept in zoos, there are also some drawbacks. They can easily lose their natural habits and instincts when separated from their natural habitat for too long, so it's difficult for it to return to wildlife. For example, a lion born and growing up in zoo environment couldn't know how to hunt preys and live out of the zoo. Moreover, the conditions and facilities of some of the zoos, such as some ones in Vietnam, are not really well preserved and developed, on top of that, the hot and humid weather of Vietnam might make a huge difficulty for them, so the animals may not be taken after well enough and be in good state. Thus, for the sake of animal, it is best that we should be mindful of these factors and attempt to build their living space to be as near to their natural habitat as possible.

Based on the points given above, although zoos protect animals in captivity and contribute to the conservation, we also have to pay attentions to the states of the zoos to create suitable environment for animals' overall development. In my view, the advantages are equal to the disadvantages.

so the animals may not be taken after well enough and be in good state. ( what do you really mean in this sentence ? )
I think that the conclusion and introduction should have the same idea, as i can see in your introduction, the answer is not very clear while the conclusion is.

After all i believe that this is pretty good because of its simplicity and structure

I think you should express clearly your view in the introduction whether you choose advantage or disadvantage side. And you should write one more body paragraph to say about your own idea.

The clear question is, do you believe that there are more advantages or disadvantages? This means you have to use an advanced discussion format to respond to this topic. For starters, you have to clearly indicate whether you see this as an advantage or disadvantage in the prompt paraphrase from there, the advanced discussion format kicks in.

What is the advanced discussion format? After having chosen a side to defend in the reasoning paragraphs, the 2 reasoning paragraphs should be able to hold a complete and properly developed discussion as follows:

- Present a topic sentence signifying an advantage or disadvantage as seen from a public perspective;
- Explain why this is considered an advantage;
- Present your opinion of this reasoning (advantage or disadvantage)
- Use an example to prove your point
- Add an explanation to help reiterate your opinion

To that twice for this essay so that you can clearly represent a properly developed discussion focusing on 2 advantages and disadvantages points that will help support your opinion. I did not see that happening in this essay at all. In fact, you failed to present your personal opinion throughout the given discussion paragraphs. I should not need to point out the reasons why your concluding paragraph is also incorrect right? I already pointed that out in one of your previous essay critiques.