IELTS writing task 2: Advertisements - an increasingly popular trend present in the daily life

TOPIC:

Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life.

Is it a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, advertisements are an increasingly popular trend for people's daily life. While I accept that the development of advertisement offers many benefits for society, consumers and businesses, its drawbacks cannot be overlooked.

On the one hand, there are several positive effects on the enhancement of advertisements. Firstly, due to advertisements are an integral part of commercial fields, this sector is likely to generate a diversity of employment opportunities. In other words, it provides occupations for artists, copywriters and other marketing-related vacancies as well as makes a significant contribution to the improvement of unemployment rate in society. Secondly, advertisements are a great tool for manufactures to disseminate information about their products or services to as many customers as possible, followed by an increase in sales for businesses. Besides, thanks to advertisements, customers can be well-informed about newly-launched products. For that reason, they can not only purchase innovative goods but also catch up with the lasted trends in the world.

On the other hand, advertising brings some negative influences for both consumers and businesses. To begin with, there are some companies willing to use advertisements to exaggerate or even distort the facts of their goods due to commercial purposes. As a result, consumers can experience the feeling of confusion about those items, affecting their belief in enterprises. Subsequently, when customers cannot resist the temptation of products that are advertised beyond their expectation, they, in likelihood, buy unnecessary items. Consequently, they could be easily addicted to shopping, which would seriously impact their budget. For example, beauty brands launch frequently their new products through advertising campaigns in order to attract and encourage women to buy those products which are considered as need on their daily basis to look beautiful even these items are so costly.

In conclusion, advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Although advertising activities bring some merits for society, enterprises and consumers, the demerits of them also should be considered.

Hello, I think that your writing is quite clear to understand & your ideas are good, but there are still some grammatical errors needed to be corrected.

first line: advertisements => advertising ( i think that " advertising" is more appropriate for the word "trend" in your sentence )
Second line: offer... for => offer.. to
i also think that you have matter with your topic sentence of the first paragraph. The S should be "the enhancement of..."

I am not really sure that you can complete the review, revise, and finalize portion of the essay writing task within 40 minutes. Writing 322 words means you have not taken your potential to create several mistakes in your writing into consideration. You should always allot at least 6 minutes for the final correction and perfection process of your writing. In this case, you did not anymore check the errors. You left several grammar and clarity problems in your essay. A simple editing process before you decided that this was the final version you wanted to submit would have been very helpful in you spotting the errors and correcting them.

Okay, now going back to the actual writing. Your prompt paraphrase needs another sentence to meet the minimum sentence requirement for the paragraph. Your second sentence should have been divided into 2 parts and then, another 2 sentences could have been added to include the outline of your discussion topics. By the way, a positive or negative development is different from advantages or drawbacks. You have to use the correct indicator in your presentations. In this case, use the actual keywords from the original presentation. So it is a negative development.

Once you have chosen your point of view, the discussion paragraphs need to focus on presenting 2 types of information that will reiterate your idea that this is a negative development. Do not compare the two points of view as you are asked to do that in the discussion instructions. Focus on the singular discussion alone. Otherwise your essay will only be scored on a partially scored, based on the section that supports your point of view. Your essay will also tend to fall under the word count because the comparative portion will be disregarded in the word count. Hence word point deductions will be applied. Avoid offering a tangential response to not have these deductions applied to your essay.

Technically, you really altered the discussion process of the essay. That makes me think that the reviewer may decide that your discussion is totally unrelated to the task, causing you to fail the essay test immediately. Look at these differences from the original implications:

Original: Is it a positive or negative development?
Response: While I accept that the development of advertisement offers many benefits for society, consumers and businesses, its drawbacks cannot be overlooked.
Conclusion: Although advertising activities bring some merits for society, enterprises and consumers, the demerits of them also should be considered.

Do you see the problem? It is a positive or negative development question. You are talking about merits, demerits, and drawbacks.