The advertisers use advanced techniques to show their products better and more attractive. TOEFL

Hi everybody.
This is one of my TOEFL essays.

Most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are?

Every time I turn the T.V on, an advertisement is showing. A lot of them in variety fields, from baby product to the eldary facilities, from food to cloth, from simple bicycle to expensive automobiles are be watching. Based on my experience and what I heard from my friends and relatives almost all of them seem much better than they really are.

The most reason is that the advertisers use advanced techniques to show their products better and more attractive. In addition to some film making techniques such as lighting, editing, makeup and so on, today computer programming provides more fascinating methods to persuade audience. For example, they use photoshop to sharp colors and make more brilliant images. For instanc, about a month ago I was watching an advertisment about new car in the T.V every day. It had a such a shining dark rek color and could run faster than every vehicle meanwhile an old man was a reading newspaper in the back. My friends purchased one of them last week and invited me to watch it. It wan just ordinary other cars with a normal speed and a lot of shakes during riding.

Another reason is that the advertising agencies usually employ celebrities to convince audience. It may be sound impractical but psychologicaly it certainly attract people especialy young ones. An example that comes to my mind is that an advertisement shows a famous soccor player wears specific sport shoes and he is so happy and comfortable when he is wearing them. Young people are easily presuaded to buy excatly the same brand. In another example, a beautiful famous actress takes shower and uses an especial brand of shampoo. The demand for that shampoo will increase as soon as possible.

Advertisements are really important in our life. Though some people think the advertisers are honest about their products, I strongly believe that they make them seem much better and more attractive that they are. It is very easy by using of film making and computer programing techniques. It also could be happen by using famous well know celebrities. I am sure psychological research will acknowledge this argument too.

Hi Maryam, I think that you can get a score of 3 with this essay. The reason that I believe you will get this type of score is because your essay has problems with its explanation presentations. You tend to have problems with the coherence of your statements due to problematic sentence construction and misspelled words such as rek for red and eldary for elederly. When you make these sorts of errors, you force the reader to stop and reread the statement. Wondering what it is that you are trying to say. The meaning is confusing or lost because of you did not proof read your essay so you could edit the mistakes before you submitted it for scoring. Your vocabulary then comes across as weak, lacking and suffering from a range of syntactic structures.

Basically, you have the right idea for the discussion. You just failed to properly present the same in a coherent manner. You have the English writing abilities of an intermediate learner so you have the potential to get better over time. Just remember that editing your text before submission will increase your scoring potential because you will catch the mistakes that could lower your score once the essay is submitted.

Dear Holt,
Thanks a lot to review my essay. Tell me what can I do to improve my essay in addition to edit it? What book or anything do you advise? And about misspelled words, sometimes I forget the spell of the word. It sounds my mind is frozen.

Thanks again.