Advertising is known as the predominant factor which influence the high sales of popular stuff

Question:

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

Advertising is known as the predominant factor which influence the high sales of popular stuff, whereas some people argue that advertising pursue people to buy goods which are not their basic needs. However, while advertising have brought significant influence to sales rate, it can be argued that advertising has a negative temptation to manipulate people in order to purchase particular stuff that they do not need.

It is believed that advertising leads people curiosity to buy popular goods as advertising illustrates only the benefit of products. Study show that advertising has a significant influence in terms of increasing the sales rate of a product about 60 percent. This proportion is quite higher than the products which do not have advertising. This is the reason why many companies use advertising to promote their product. As a result, various advertising appear annually so as to pursue people passion.

In addition, some people purchase some stuffs without considering about the benefits of that stuffs due to the power of advertising as most advertiser usually make unique advertising or using famous people as its mascot. Shampoo advertisement for example, it always uses famous football player as their products icon. It makes people to be curious to try a product without thinking its benefits. Consequently, because of advertising, the sales rate of some products increases dramatically.

Therefore, the main factor which influences the improvement of goods sales rate is advertising. It is imperative that people should be more wisely to purchase some stuffs and consider the benefits of goods whereby they want to buy so as to prevent them purchasing unnecessary products.

(267 words)

The intro seems complicated, as it constructs bulky sentences. You should get straight to the point and tell what is going on. Let's give a try:

Advertising can be found everywhere. This attracts people to purchase unnecessary products showed in TV commercials. While the power of advertising is astonished, I believe that decision-making process will be passed on to consumers.

Thanks,
eddy suaib

Change the word stuff to goods in this essay. This will help the reader to understand that you are still referring to consumer goods.

1st paragraph: I wouldn't use whereas in this first sentence. I would start a new sentence with the word some. Also, you use the word pursue in this sentence so it sounds like it is a chase. You could use entices or pressures. Entice would mean they are making it seem like there are advantages to buying. If you discuss sales rate, make rate plural. Throughout the paper you can look and change it to sales rates. Change have to has. Also, I think negative temptation can be deleted because you are discussing how advertisers manipulate people because you explain it in the beginning of the paragraph. Delete in order to in this sentence.

2nd paragraph: Are you referring to how advertising makes people more curious to buy popular goods because it only illustrates the benefits of using those products? This second paragraph seems researched. If it is a source, please give credit to that source. Cite the source in your paper. Did it come from a book, website, etc?

3rd paragraph: Delete about in the first sentence. Start a new sentence using, "Most advertisers". I think in this new sentence you want to discuss how these famous people are their spokesperson. Mascot is used in sports. I would put "For example" at the beginning of the next sentence because you are describing something that is related to a famous person. Then discuss how this ad uses a football player for their product. This football player would be their product's spokesperson. Are you trying to explain how the product makes people want to try it because they see the football player in the ad?

4th paragraph: This last sentence is confusing. Please revise. Do you feel that it is wise for people to think before purchasing goods? Also, do you think that if they think more before they make purchases, it will prevent them from purchasing unnecessary products?