Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

IELTS WT 2 - Advertisment is more harmful than helpful to humantity. Agree or disagree?


mariali 3 / 9 1  
Dec 10, 2013   #1
Please help me correct it. This essay took me around 40 mins >"<
(299 words)

Advertisement nowadays does not resemble as that in earlier decades and it was truly an evolution in multimedia sector. Some people say this is more harmful than helpful to humanity. Standing on personal view, I totally disagree to this extent.

As a person who works in art related field, I regard advertisement as a type of Popular Art which also conclude music, fine art drawings, graphic design, visual art, light engineering... in several advertising methods such as poster, banner, flyer, video clip, etc. The most attractive thing is not what appears on ads, but the idea inside. Furthermore, advertisement shows how multimedia develops and how creative human are. Heineken's commercial video clips were great examples, their wonderful music and brilliant ideas always fascinate me.

Critics may say we are ringed and cheated by many illusions which were created by a lot of advertisement forms every day; however, they properly reflects human's life and desires by showing our social or technical achievements. For instance, buying modern household appliances could not make our family happier as we see in several commercial video clips; however, they probably help homemakers to feel relaxed when doing housework. That is the hidden messages in advertisements.

The last point, I agree that there could be a small challenge for consumer in detecting dishonest products through advertisement, but that would be a good reason for us to be more careful in making choice before buying something. Therefore, it might teach us how to spend cash also how to be a smart consumer.

For conclusion, because the more society and technology develop, the more advertisement goes up equally, I strongly believe that this is not harmful to human if we change our view about advertisement and do not depend too much on that in choosing goods and services.

SreeSam 12 / 38 7  
Dec 10, 2013   #2
1. Good essay.

2. Introduction could have been more attractive or catchy
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Dec 10, 2013   #3
Advertisements nowadays doesdo not resemble ????? as that they did in earlier decades and it was truly an evolution in multimedia sector.

.... This sentence has lots of issues....Also, your idea is not clear ... resemble what? what is this comparison? You should start the introduction with a hook that has the power to grab the reader's attention. So it's important you come up with a strong sentence when opening your essay.

Standing on personal view, I totally disagree to this extent.

.... This is confusing too., Your prompt ask to which extent you agree or disagree and you need to make your statement keeping it simple and clear;

I totally disagree with this view.
You need to pay more attention to grammar and vocabulary.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 10, 2013   #4
As Pahan commented above, you need to work on your introduction. Better re-write it !

I regard advertisement as a type of Popular Art which also concludeinclude music, fine art drawings, graphic design, visual art, light engineering.

... you need to be careful with usage of vocabulary. "conclude" means bringing to an end. "include" means containing as a part of a whole.

they properly reflects

they properly reflect / he properly reflects

technical achievements

technological achievements

You need to pay more attention to grammar and vocabulary.

yes... you need to pay very serious attention in this regard!
OP mariali 3 / 9 1  
Dec 10, 2013   #5
OMG!!!!!!!!! They are truly awful mistakes T__T
Yeah... I must re-write it. I tried to write this essay in 40 mins and didn't check it after finish T____T
If I was in a real IELTS test room, I might completely fail writing test T___T Badly sad :(
CASOON 2 / 2 1  
Dec 10, 2013   #6
1. Good essay.

2. Introduction could have been more attractive or catchy

----------------
Help with mine ⇒ IELTS essay - role of news editors in broadcasting the news

Help with mine ⇒ IELTS essay - Animals should not be exploited or humans must use animals to satisfy them


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS WT 2 - Advertisment is more harmful than helpful to humantity. Agree or disagree?