Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Toefl: Do you agree or disagree that children should not be allowed to play computer games



jinhailing 1 / 1  
Mar 5, 2014   #1
Topic: Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play computer games.

My essay:

Basically, I agree that children shouldn't be allowed to play computer games. However, it's not only because playing computer games is a waste of time, but it also brings a lot of harm to children.

Playing computer games does be a waste of time. Most of the children are easily addicted to computer games. Instead of finishing their homework or studying, they will take a large amount of time to play computer games, which directly causes their academic performance to drop. Take my brother as an example. Ever since he was hooked on playing Call of Duty, he has put all his efforts on completing the missions of the game. Henceforth, he barely opened his bag, let alone doing his homework. It's no wonder that he got a C in the exam. Therefore, playing computer games when they should be studying seems to be a waste of time.

Moreover, playing computer games causes serious damage to children's physical and psychological heath. An excessive screen-viewing strains their eyes, causes myopia. If children spend large amount of time on playing computer games, they will have less time for sports. It's very likely for a high school student to playing NBA Live instead of playing basketball outside with his friends. What's more,children tend to have large quantities of junk food while playing computer games, which may lead to obesity. A survey, after polling thousands of teenagers, found that most respondents claimed that they considered fried potato chips and coca-cola as their favorite food while playing computer games.On the other hand, some computer games, especially gory and violent games,could be harmful to children's psychological well-being. This kind of computer games, like Counter-Strike, The Silent Hill and Outlast, contains a large number of bloody and violent pictures, which may increase children's aggressive thoughts,feelings and behaviors. For instance, Counter-Strike, a first-person shooter computer game, contains a great quantity of killing scenes. If a child plays this game, he may see many gun-firing scenes and, as a result, can be desensitized to human slaughter and tend to have aggressive behaviors.

Admittedly, playing computer games is fine in moderation. They can help to train intellectual skills, like following instructions, problem solving, hand-eye coordination, spatial and motor skills and so on. But these benefits can only be obtained if children can have a good control of themselves or under their parents' strict monitor.But in general, those children who have a good self-control always belong to the minority and the parents who are busy working cannot expand enough time and efforts on strictly supervising their children.

Taking into account of all those aspects, disadvantages of playing computer games far outweigh its advantages. Thus, it's necessary that children should not be allowed to play computer games.

agi 13 / 30  
Mar 5, 2014   #2
How many minute did you spend on writing this essay? World number does not necessary to be much high, your essay looks like more than 400 worlds. but please try to write essay within 25 minutes,
OP jinhailing 1 / 1  
Mar 7, 2014   #3
Actually, I have edited this essay before I posted in. The original version was written within the time limitaion, but the quality wasn't very high. So I took nearly 2 days to revise my essay. Anyway, thank you for your suggestion, I will keep an eye on time.


Home / Writing Feedback / Toefl: Do you agree or disagree that children should not be allowed to play computer games
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳