Should we allow children to make their own decisions on a common matters (such as food or clothes)

giving children basic choices

This is my practice of IELTS writing task 2. Please give some advice on it. Thank you!
Essay topic: Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matter that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Over the last few decades, the world has witnessed significant changes on the methodology of teaching children at home which focuses on developing their independence and self-confidence. However, it is widely believed that these young citizens should not be allowed to decide on what they eat, wear or play; otherwise, they would grow up being selfish. Others disagree and feel that is not necessarily a negative thing to do. This essay discusses both these views and then gives my viewpoint on this matter.

On the one hand, I believe that despite their young age, children should be trusted for simple responsibilities in the house and tasks should be given to them gradually. Things which are not only attached to their daily lives but also demonstrate their personalities such as food they eat, clothes they dress or the way they have fun need to be respected and taken into consideration by their own families and schools. For example, parents can let their sons or daughters take charge in choosing what kinds of food their family is going to have for the day; followed by that, the kids would feel more confident not only in their life choices but also in themselves.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that most of the time, kids cannot make up righteous decisions and therefore, it is impossible for the parents to believe in them. Advocates of this viewpoint also point out that without parental guidance or direction, the immaturity in children will urge them to decide falsely only to get whatever whenever they want. As a result, they would grow up believing in some wrong values and potentially become extremely reckless or self-centered. However, as far as I am concerned, kids are only innocent creatures who reflect their parents' everyday behaviors. As long as they are educated properly and carefully about qualities such as honor, nobility and kindness, I do not think this could be likely to happen to their future.

In conclusion, I strongly support the teaching methods towards giving children the right to determine on their basic demands including food, clothes and entertainment because this helps build up confidence in each child. The most important factor here is that parents need to be role models for their little members to believe in and follow.

I think you put so much effort in your essay, 382 words seem to be overwhelming.

Hi yes I've only noticed the words' number thanks for your comment. I just wrote the essay without noticing the time and now I've realized it took me almost an hour for this task, so no time left for task 1.

Thank you a lot!

P/S: Can you give some more advice on my grammar and word / idea choices? That would be great!

@Chiuviu I am really sad that you were able to get the prompt paraphrase done in a proper manner, but then you did not discuss the prompt requirements in the required manner when it came to the discussion of the body of paragraphs. You see, this is not a personal point of view essay. This is a dual opinion with personal point of view discussion essay. Now, while you properly indicated the discussion instructions in the rephrasing, you turned your body of paragraphs into a personal point of view or singular point of view discussion instead.

In the second paragraph, you indicated: I believe that..." Which does not indicate a comparative point of view discussion based on general discussions, which is what the prompt requires. Then, in the second paragraph, you referred to a public discussion before going back to a personal point of view in your concluding statement. That is an uneven presentation and clearly digresses from the actual instructions you were provided, which you also understood as evidenced by your prompt restatement.

The proper format for this type of discussion is always:
1. Prompt restatement
2. Discussion POV 1 (public reason)
3.. Discussion POV 2 (Public reason)
4. Personal point of view
5. Concluding summary of previously presented points.

You also lack the usage of transition sentences at the end of every body paragraph to help ease the reader into the next discussion topic. That is because a connecting explanation of one sentence helps to strengthen your presentation in aid of your TA and GRA scores. You should also never write more than 250 words in a timed setting during the practices so that you can properly allot editing time for content and grammar corrections.

@Holt
Thank you for your advice. I'll work on the outline of this essay again. But I'm just not clear enough about the transition sentences at the end of the paragraphs. What should I say to create a transition?

For example, in the first body paragraph, should I add: "However, this is not the only argument upon this issue." at the end?

Na na, I got special permission to expand on my explanation to you. This is going to happen only once. Please make your thread urgent the next time you want me to clarify an explanation. The rule of the forum is only one advice per thread. So this is an exception and you will have to make the next question, if you have one, URGENT or you won't get a new response.

In response to your question, no, you do not need to use the transition sentence in the first paragraph. The first paragraph closes with the thesis statement for your essay. The transition sentence comes at the end of the second, third, and fourth paragraphs. The fourth paragraph transition should lead into the concluding summary / statement. Your take on how the transition sentence should be composed is correct. Use similar transition sentences in the relevant body paragraphs. Remember, the transition sentence is the last sentence in the body paragraph.