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Writing task 1 : the alteration in the city of United States


ryan31 65 / 96 15  
Nov 21, 2016   #1
The maps reveal the information about the alteration land in the city of the United States in the course of sixty two-year started in 1948. Overall, it was essential to bear in mind that residence and local market were changed into factory located in the northwest of the canal, while the church transform into the stadium in the southeast of the river.

As we can see in the southwest of the river, there was no alteration regarding the residential house. Interestingly, stadium took over the church's position particularly located in the south of the canal.

Turning to the northwest of the river, the six settlements were reconstructed by two commercial buildings. Meanwhile, the industrial areas are demolished and replaced with two regions such as airport and also three commercial areas. Although the supermarket covered with the apartment, this facility had been relocated in front of the petrol station.





nda18 46 / 81 9  
Nov 21, 2016   #2
hi mr riandi, these are my thought towards your essay

...the information about the alteration landthe land alterations in the city ...
...in the southwest of the river(canal) , there...

mr riandi, i think your overview is too detail

thank you
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Nov 21, 2016   #3
Hi Riandi, below are a few thoughts for your analysis.

- ... the information abouton the alteration of land in the city of
- ... the course of sixty two-years
- startedstartingin 1948.
- Overall, it was essential to bear in mind thatthe residence
- and the local market were changed
- into a factory located in ...
- while the church is transformed into thea stadium in the ...

- As we can see, in the southwest of the river,
- there wasis no alteration
- Interestingly, the stadium took over the church's
- position which is particularly located in ...

There you have it Riandi, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and as usual, I would like you to practice on your editing skills, therefore, I left a few sentences for you to be able to proof read and edit, following the samples above.
NinaJoesuf25 36 / 66 4  
Nov 21, 2016   #4
... the information aboutregarding the alteration land (...) of sixty two-year, (put comma here) started in 1948. Overall, it wasis essential to bear (...) while the church transformtransformed into the stadium ...

As we can see ,(put comma here) in the southwest ...

... are demolished and replacedconstructed with two regionpublic facilities such as airport ...
... had been relocated in front of across from ...


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