island alterations
The maps reveal that the alteration of an island with evolving some tourists facilities. It is important to bear in mind that the resort management build some accommodations and roads in this island, roughly 250 metres in length.
A more detailed look in the maps, before developing plenty of leisure facilities, this island is just covered with a few trees with beach in the west. As time goes on, the information center is built in the center of this area. It is by far followed by evolving food court in northern of the reception. The visitors can also make use of vehicle track to reach of the information center or restaurant after arrived at the pier, in the southern of reception. What's more, there are two areas of accommodation, situated to the center of the island and in the west nearby beach. Apart paving the vehicle track, the tourism management also develop footpath to connect the western and eastern residential areas for drawing the visitors to the beach.
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Holt Educational Consultant - / 15385 Nina, while you are certainly over the minimum word count of 150 words, you are under the required paragraph count of at least 3. More importantly, your summarized opening statement does not follow the required sentence format either. The main problem with your essay is that you decided to compress all of the illustrated information within the second paragraph when you should have divided the information evenly into 3 paragraphs at least for this essay. There was no lack of material for you to accomplish that task. I guess you just forgot that you had to write this essay that way.
Another missing element from your summary is the description of the original island. This should have been presented in better detail in the second paragraph of the essay in order to explain the changes that occurred later on within the premises. The lack of the original description of the island means that you failed to totally understand the illustrations and, you were not really paying attention to the way that the summary should have actually been written.
@NinaJoesuf25
... alteration of an island with evolving some tourists facilities. --->some evolving
I see lots of careless errors in your article. Please re-read and correct those minor mistakes.
What I am going to add here is about grouping. In IELTS task 1, you are suggested to create a plan first, before start writing a report summary. Therefore, in that plan, grouping is one of the essential parts in composing this type of essay. This is to ease you in making at least three paragraphs for an essay. To group the information, you just need to split the information into two possible sides. Make sure that it is balance information. For instance, in the map that you have provided, you can possibly divide the information into two main ideas. The first one should be the description of the map in "before" condition and the second one should be simply about the "after" condition. Thus, you can reach the recommended paragraph building from the given map. However, it is also obvious that the first paragraph is an introduction paragraph which consists of question's paraphrase (1st sentence) and overview (2nd and 3rd sentence). Keep in mind that three sentences are definitely needed if you want to reach band 6 or above. The idea is to have a complete thought and understanding about the given picture/diagram/chart/graph/table.
Thankyou @Holt , @ichanpants89 for your feedback.
Well, I have already edited my essay with improving what your advice.
The maps reveal that the alteration of an island with evolving some tourists facilities. It is important to bear in mind that the resort management build some accommodations and roads in this island, roughly 250 metres in length. In any case, some trees in this island remained unchanged, with beach situated in the south-west of this island.
(...)
I can see some improvements and that's quite good. Yet, there are still some rooms to enhance the quality of your essay. For instance, it is quite obvious at first glance that the second paragraph is shorter than the third paragraph. This is what you need to avoid. You cannot get more than 6 if there is an imbalance portion of information that you describe. Also, 3-sentence rule needs to be applied in the whole essay and not just in the first paragraph. Therefore, your second paragraph needs an additional sentence to improve its clarity.
However, I can also notice that some of your words / sentences are actually inaccurate due to its meaning. You need to know the difference between "something that can be generally seen" and "something that needs to be remember". The phrase "bear in mind" refers to the second one and it is definitely wrong phrase that is used to express such condition. An overview sentence needs a cohesive device that properly states that a general view towards the picture/diagram/graph/chart can easily be noticed by most people.