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Although air travel becomes the easiest way for massive people to transport, it should be reduced


Gigih12 10 / 8  
Oct 31, 2016   #1
Please help me to correct my writing...thank you...

Q:
Restricting air travel is the only way to prevent air pollution.
Do you agree or disagree?


A:
In recent years, air pollution become the main problem that people face. Some people think that the only way to tackle this problem is to stop air travel. In my point of view, I completely disagree with that statement because there are some ways to prevent air pollution.

Although air travel becomes the easiest way for massive people to transport, it should be reduced by the government to reduce pollution especially in air pollution. A large number of air travel can increase air pollution. This is because air travel produces the emission of carbon dioxide that can make air pollution. For example if each day there are several air travels from place to place, the emission of CO2 will increase dramatically and as a result, it effects the weather. If this condition is repeated continuously, it can cause global warming. It is important to reduce air pollution by prohibiting air travel.

On the other hand, prohibiting air travel is not a good idea, because air travel provides people to travel easier than before and spend a few time if they want to go far away. There are another ways to prevent air pollution. Firstly, the government should reduce the amount of vehicles such as private car and motorbike. Actually, those vehicles produce large amount of CO2 especially in urban areas. In addition, it is important for citizen to use air conditioner wisely, because by using AC, it can increase the air pollution too. The most importance, inhabitant should protect natural habitat from deforestation.

In brief, although prohibiting air travel can reduce air pollution, there are some alternative ways to save environment. It is imperative that government should find the best way to solve air pollution without restricting air travel.

Yonathan 46 / 65 5  
Oct 31, 2016   #2
Hi Gigih
Let me give you some correction

In recent years, air pollution becomebecomes the main problem ...

A large numberamount of air travel can ...
For example (,) if each day there are (...) and as a result, it effectsaffects the weather....

There are anotherother ways to ...
Actually, those vehicles produce a large amount of CO2...

... some alternative ways to save the environment.
The type of question is agree or disagree
it is mean that in the body you write about one or some idea WHY you agree or disagree
For example:

Body 1
I agree because

Body 2
I disagree because

in body 2 you write about solution which is not correct

Thank you...
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Oct 31, 2016   #3
HI Gigih, as I go on and review your essay, I believe you managed to write a well written one, the ideas are in the right logical order, this is very important in order for the essay to remain true to its purpose and not to be jammed everywhere in the essay. The order of the ideas will also help you pick up the pace of the essay and bring you to the contents and the ideas that you might have left, this way you will also be able to make sure that you are leaning towards the right path where the essay goes.

However, as much as I love the order of the essay, I must say you have some difficulty in your sentence construction and this affected the overall outcome of the essay, to elaborate this observation, please find samples below;

- becomebecame the main problem
- that, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) the only way
- thatthis statement

- Although air travel becomesis the easiest way
- for massive people to transport more people ,
- it should be reducedregulated by the government
- to reduce pollution especially in the air pollution .
- the emission of carbon dioxide that can makecreate air pollution.
- For example, if each day there are severalwe lessen air travels from place to place on a daily basis ,

There you have it Gigih, I hope the above remarks help in your revision.
nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Nov 1, 2016   #4
Hello Gigih12!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

air pollution become become (...) that people face faced.
... to tackle this problem is to stop air travel.
... disagree with that statement because since there are ...

... it should be reduced by the government to reduce decrease pollution ...
This is because air travel produces caused by air travel ...

Review:
Sentence structure
Subject verb agreement
Passive voice


Hope it helps you, break a leg :)


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