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Although online game gives a positive impact on children's brain, it also involves with health issue

ryan31 65 / 96 15  
Oct 23, 2016   #1
Some people think that online computer games are useful for children, while others claim are bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer game for children?

Some people believe that game online is a good activity for children, others say is a bad action. While the games can make children critical in thinking, this also makes children vulnerable to suffer impaired vision.

The presence of games can help increase children's concentration. This is because many games force children to explore their thinking ability in solving any problems or find a strategic way in winning the battle. For example, research in MIT University showed that playing games about 20 minutes before the study can elicit a concentration in learning. therefore, it is true that game can be utilized to make children more creative.

However, it is also accepted that game online can deteriorate children eyesight capability. The reason for this is children spend much time in front of the monitor. For instance, Health Ministry of Indonesia released the result of survey in 2015 that showed 60% of students using glasses to aid their vision due to playing online game. It is true that when children play games with a long duration, it makes their sight poor.

In conclusion, although online game gives a positive impact on children's brain, it is also involving their healthy such an eyesight problem is sensitive for children. I recommended parent's role to supervise children and restrict usage online game as long as their activities.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,787 4778  
Oct 23, 2016   #2
HI Riandi. The essay is a very good start for a writing task practice exercise. I believe that this could be scored a high 6 in an actual test. There is clear evidence that you understood the prompt and know exactly how you wanted to discuss it. However, your sentence structure was problematic and grammar mistakes were quite obvious. Luckily, these mistakes did not affect the transfer of information to the reader. It was still possible for the reader to get an idea as to what you were trying to say. The effort you put into writing this essay did not get wasted. It has its good and bad points with the good outweighing the bad. You have the potential to pass the test. Just keep practicing and don't lose hope. Your work can and will constantly get better.

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