IELTS TASK 2: ANIMAL SHOULD BE "EMPLOYED" OR THEY SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT AS HUMANS ?

treating pets by human

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Throughout many centuries, there is a myriad of people believe that animals are born to be eaten or analyzed for scientific purposes. Personally, i see this too cruel and completely disagree with this point of view.

First of all, in some parts of the world, it has been proven that eating creatures or surveying them is a brutal,disgusting activity. The reason is because some of the animals have nearly same characteristics,brain,activity as humans, so why they cannot having the right to become the human, which they have independent and freedom. Take the eastern culture as an example. They have said that animals are reincarnated from the human beings and the reason they become animals is because they have done many bad things in the earthly world. Therefore, if the humans kill and eat those poor creature, it means they kill and eat themselves too.(right :) )

In addition, some of the people say that meat of the animals are nutritious and necessary. In fact, they are actually have some needed-nutrition, but downsides of them are too much. To be more specific, the downsides are the hugh cholesterol in them which could create many health problems like hardening, narrowing the elasticity in arteries or blood vessel or even cancer. Thus, instead of consuming unwholesome food, why dont the humans try to eat whole food that based on plant, which is much more healthier and more safe.

In conclusion, eating and researching on animals are savage and painful, they should not be despised and should be appreciated, respected, and maintained.( i know sb wont believe what i have written here but u should google it, of course deeply )

i will really appreciate who give me the comments or feedback about anything in myessay !

Thank you so much for your commendation! Now it's my turn to give you some suggestions:

1. I think your essay digressed from the main topic. I think you are confused between Discussion and Opinion (to what extent).
=> You should analyse some model essays to distinguish different types and learn the way to structure your essays.

2. Some words should not be repeat many times like more, too

3. In my view, you should avoid to use too in your academic essay (it's quite informal)

4. You can use some complex sentences with NOT ONLY BUT ALSO, AS WELL AS,... instead of listing many Nouns or Ving ( nearly same characteristics,brain,activity as humans ; like hardening, narrowing the elasticity in arteries or blood vessel or even cancer ; should be appreciated, respected, and maintained)

WOW thank you so much, i also realise i was going the wrong way because i did not look at the question clearly, thank you so much for your precious recommendation :) !

Hi! I'm not a professional , but I do see some points needed to be improved here.
1. myriad of people who believe that
2. so why they cannot having ---------so why cannot them have
3. Take the eastern culture as an example. ------- use the comma

I'm also preparing for IELTS. There are some difficult vocabularies here that I don't understand. However, you should also be careful on some basic grammars! Good luck!