Many animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea

Number of species on the verge of extinction

It is a fact that many animal creatures now are on the verge of extinction due to human beings on land and in the ocean. This alarming issue is caused by some following main reasons and societies can take possible measures to tackle it.

There are two main causes that lead to animal dying out. The main reason for the extinction of animal on land is habitat loss. To meet people's needs, many human encroach on forest to make more milpa, which cause habitat destruction, run out of food, loss of shelter,... and mass species deaths. Another reason causing the threat of extinction in the sea is exploitation . Due to profit and demand, many people do the worst actions like overfishing, overexploitation of corals, fuel, which make all of resources exhausted and marine animal threatened with extinction. They lead to loss biodiversity and many other consequences.

To reserve animal species as well as biodiverdity, there are some solution that must be taken. First, we should plant and protect the forest. Through that, we can conserve the animal's habitat, shelter and source of food, so better condition can be created for wild animal to reproduce and develop, which will reserve endangered or exotic animal in particular and species on land in general. Second, the government should ban severe purnishment to mitigate the overexploitation. That means the government should ban some law to deter using bomb, small fisheye net, or taking advantages of all resources and coral. The last measure that i mention is stricter regulations. Some regulation should be come into force and they can serve as strong deterrent against illegal hunting and trading. They can put an end to poach, keep animal in captivity, slaughter,... and protect a large number of species.

Therefore, human beings are the main factor that cause the extiction of many kind of animal, lead to biodiversity loss so from now, we must prepare knowledge for ourselve about the importance of animal and contribute to conserve them.

You are not paying attention the timer. Since you are going to be handwriting this essay into the test booklet, you will be slow in filling in the words. It will not be the same as you typing into a keyboard. A handwritten essay cannot number 332 words with only 40 minutes for the writing section in task 2 provided. The most you should aim to write is 275-290 words. At this rate, you will not be able to complete the writing of the essay on time. Next time, set the timer. You need to be able to judge how fast and completely you can write within 40 minutes. Typing your essay will not be the same thing. Use the actual test center scenario for your practice tests so that you will have a good idea of what you can accomplish, within how many minutes, at the test center.

Now, this discussion essay is unique from the other opinion essays because it actually asks you to outline your discussion in the prompt paraphrase. The outline of your response will help you keep track of how you should frame your 2 discussion / reasoning paragraphs. So a more appropriate restatement would have been:

Our varying participation in terrain and ocean exercises have resulted in the annihilation of certain wild animals. Two of the reasons that this happens include habitat loss and environmental exploitation. In order to curb this trend, the government must enact habitat protection laws and the prevention of over-hunting and over fishing of land and sea creatures.

By first outlining your discussion topic in your prompt paraphrase, examiner will see that you have clearly outlined the connected paragraph topic discussion. As such, it will also be easier for you to discuss the reasons and solutions within a clear and coherent presentation. Since this is not an opinion essay, you are expected to respond directly to the discussion question/s in the restatement, with the expanded explanation located within the 2 discussion paragraphs.

Your current responses in the body of paragraphs are good. However, you failed to compress the discussion into a short but clear explanation. You should be able to explain the 2 connected discussion topics within 5 sentences that represent:

- The topic for discussion
- An explanation
- An example
- A second topic related to the first topic
- An explanation
- A quick explanation that will transition into the next paragraph discussion topic

By accomplishing the above format, you will be able to create coherent discussion paragraphs that clearly connect with one another and directly responds to the prompt.

I would like to call your attention to your closing paragraph. You failed to do a discussion summary that signifies the end of the discussion. It should contain:

- The discussion topic
- The 2 reasons
- The 2 solutions
- A call to action to close the discussion

If you can adjust your writing style using my suggestions, you should begin to show improvement in your written presentation by your next essay exercise. I look forward to seeing the suggested changes applied in your next essay.

Thank you so much for showing me. I will try my best to improve these mistakes and apply your suggested changes. Thank you.