The appearance of computers is the most important revolution in both 20th and 21st century

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years

There are many people who believe that the appearance of computers is the most important revolution in both 20th and 21st centuries in comparison to other inventions. In my opinion, I totally agree with that because of many significant changes caused from computers.

In the last hundred years, there is a huge range of essential equipment that is invented such as mobile phone, television or washing-machine. All of those are so necessary in modern society which are always considered as useful devices with anyone.

Nevertheless, As many benefits computers bring to our life, they should become the most impressive invention. Firstly, the computer invention play an important role in the appearance of the Internet. With a computer that is connected to network, people could approach the large amount of information and knowledge from all over the world. Therefore, computers become essential devices for anyone, especially students, teachers or researchers. For example, compared to the past, students can look up much quality information from advanced research to complete their reports rapidly instead of spending much time on reading dozens of books in the library. Secondly, computer could be a useful device for entertainment purposes. Many people use their computer to play games, watch videos or commuicate with their friends through social networks. In addition, the computer invention is considered as the premise of technological development and automation. Not only do computer systems finish complex calculation immediately but also they might analyse a huge amount of data. With results from computer usage, scientists could give their opinions in a shorter time. Therefore, more and more other inventions have appeared in recent years.

In conclusion, the computer plays an important role in modern life and it deserves to be the most revolutionary invention in this century.

@Hangngo
You paraphrased the topic well in your introduction and stated your reasons clearly. However, there is still room for improvement:

Firstly, you should work harder on grammar and vocabulary. Pay attention to spelling, don't use capital letter at the middle of a sentence. You must work on improving the smallest things first. Be careful when to use noun phrase and when to use clause. "As" must be followed by a clause. Use correct verb forms and pay attention to subject-verb agreement "the computer invention plays". Always proofread your essay after writing

Regarding TA and C&C, apart from your fairly good introduction, your main body paragraph did not explain what you said in the introduction. You went off topic in both of your paragraphs. In your introduction, you mentioned computer causing a lot of change but in your body paragraphs, you did not say which change it made, how did it make those change and how those change effect our life. Your first body paragraph is not necessary as it does not link to any idea in your introduction. Your conclusion introduced a totally new idea "computers play an important role in modern life". It will make you lose mark.

With more studying and practice, you can write better essay in the future.

You under wrote in the second paragraph and overwrote in the third paragraph. Kindly remember that you are supposed to use a paragraph format for your presentation and that depending upon the type of question posed, the defense paragraphs should range from 2-3 paragraphs. When writing a dis/agree essay discussion, you only need 2 reasoning paragraphs composed of one of these 2 representations:

- A strong reasoning paragraph discussion plus a separate example paragraph to reiterate your reason
- A strong reasoning paragraph with an example sentence built in plus another reasoning with example paragraph

The latter format can be used if you have multiple reasons ( no more than 2 reasons) that you believe will help to strengthen your overall score in terms of C&C, LR, and GRA considerations. Otherwise, a single reason with a strong example paragraph will work just as well for your scoring needs.

In this case, you used several reasoning topics but did not really properly explain and provide an example for each. You are not scored on the number of reasons you provide. Rather, you are scored on the clear explanation you provide through connected reasons and examples that go from one paragraph to the next. Clarity is more important than word count in the Task 2 essay. It is useless to write almost 300 words if you did not have the opportunity to develop your explanation properly. The development requirements for each paragraph are:

- A strong reasoning sentence at the start
- A clear explanation of the reason
- An example that will help clarify your explanation
- A transition sentence that will connect this paragraph to the discussion topic of the next paragraph.

Please note that if you paid more attention to your spelling instead of word count, you would have caught spelling, grammar, and other vocabulary errors in your work. These errors should have been corrected prior to the submission of the essay. That is, if you had bothered to spell check and edit first which clearly, you either failed to do and did not care to do before submitting this essay.

commuicate = communicate

... But also - requires a comma after also

You do not capitalize a word after a comma. That is still lower case in writing provided it is not a proper noun or title of a person or book. Hence "Nevertheless. As" should be "Nevertheless, as..."

An Oxford comma should have been used in the series, "anyone, especially students, teachers or researchers". The comma should come after the word "teachers".

For a more academic tone, do not use basic English phrases such as "more and more". Rather, simply say "more". There does not need to be an exaggeration in the presentation. It sounds childish and non-academic.

There are still other errors located in your essay. These have mostly to do with the smooth GRA representation and proper English sentence formation. However, the errors I pointed out here should be a good place to start. The rest of the errors should be corrected and weaknesses improved as you continue with your practice essay. The good news is, you understood the prompt requirement and you were on point with your discussion to a great degree.

@Holt
@vuthuylinh2611
Thank you for your comment!