Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


An appearance of Internet has made significant changes in the way people live



Phuong_Loan 1 / 2  
Dec 7, 2016   #1
Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced amount of time people send...

In recent years, an appearance of the Internet has made significant changes in the way people's lives. I agree that this trend reduces a large amount of time that those spend with their friends. While I would believe that other factors, including email and messaging, should we blamed for adversely influencing people's lives. I partly agree with the given idea and believed that some other factors also impact life too.

On the one hand, depending use of the Internet devices has made people more passive and lazier. In the past, to communicate with friends, people usually got together, which took a lot of time, though, helps to keep relations. Nowadays, with the tools such as email and SMS, people don't need to go out to meet each other. They just sit at home is being able to chat with friends. It is undeniable that the distance between people more and more distant.

On the other hand, apart from the effects of the Internet which could not deny that it also brings many benefits to human life. It's been proven by experts, life is too busy if no email, Facebook that the people in the community more and farther. For example, if you are living in America where your family lives in Vietnam. While you like to meet to talk to his parents, the fastest way is through email and messaging, so email is the fastest way to get in touch with those at a distance.

All things considered, I am of my belief that there are several causes affecting the people's life. As a result, people should much spend time with their friends, then use email and SMS.

ichanpants89 16 / 742  
Dec 7, 2016   #2
Please give a clear title concerning on what kind of essay that you post in this thread. If this is an IELTS writing task 2 essay, it is not suggested to partially agree with the given task/prompt. Most of 'partial agree' essays lead to a confusing structure and idea development. Also, you need to consider IELTS band descriptors of task 2 as your guidance (if this is an IELTS essay). According to IELTS band descriptor, this essay would only worth 5.0 in terms of Task Response due to 'partially addressed the task'.

In addition, your grammar also becomes a problem. You have major errors when composing complex sentences. This can also make your band score become 5 in terms of grammatical range and accuracy. My suggestion is that you need to learn more about how complex structures can be made. Let me show you one of your mistakes:

They just sit at home is being able to chat with friends .

They just sit at home and chat with their friends .
or
They just sit at home and they can chat with their friends .

Both options are acceptable.
OP Phuong_Loan 1 / 2  
Dec 8, 2016   #3
@ichanpants89
Thank you for the ideas for me


Home / Writing Feedback / An appearance of Internet has made significant changes in the way people live
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳