Hi Mr. Faiz. Here are my suggestions towards your essay.
There are some arguments that say ...
there are some arguments that people's dress style indicates
OR you can say: there are some arguments that the people's dressing indicates
there also some opinions mention ...
also some opinions which
mention that we cannot judge the book by
it is ultimately true that fabric cannot ...
change the "fabric" into clothes
Some girls Moslem show their faith to the godsome Moslem girls
show their faith to the God
(word "God" is always written with capital words.)
But actually, is not true.
it is not true (don't forget to place your subject.)
that nowadays hijab become one of fashion ...
and it makes many women that previously do not wear it want to wear it.
, their attitude still same ...
their attitude is
still same with
Taken example of that,...
example of many retailers usually owned by Chinese people, they have unattractive fashion style.
I hope it can be useful for you.Goodluck and Keep Spirited.