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Art is considered an essential part of all culture throughout the world. However, these days fewer a



adiya /  
Jun 26, 2017   #1
Art is considerable cultural heritage that depicts uniqueness and mirrors national features, traditions and customs. Although its significance, engaging of people and their interest in art are in decline recent years, while more importance is given to science and technology. Some causes for this ignorance can be identified, but there are some solutions to turn this view.

There are several primary reasons why attention and attitude towards turned into technical areas. Firstly, art is the occupation that does not guarantee high salary. People tend to study sought after professions like scientist, that are more indispensable and in-demand in society. Secondly, human beings are considerably dependent on technologies, as gadgets facilitate daily tasks, medical service helps to prevent and cure diseases and generally make our life more convenient. Observing benefits and achievements of technologies people started developing science spheres. Due to these opportunities mankind prefer technical and business skills, rather that artistic abilities.

Some activities can be taken to solve problem. To begin with, government should support art galleries and art related subjects in school in order to increase awareness of its importance and establish artistic skills among children. Likewise, emotional appeals , performances of musicals, operas and plays can motivate and create desire in society to develop arts. Unfortunately, people are busy, having congested schedule and are not able to visit museums and galleries at their spare time. Hence, administration can open cultural centers at night and arrange events, that will give opportunities to visit them at weekends. Those solutions can improve current situation and alter attitude towards art into positive.

To sum up, art is a fundamental part of lifestyle that lost its popularity. However, with the right steps of government and individuals the problem will be solved.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Jun 26, 2017   #2
Adiya, due to the lack of the prompt instructions regarding the actual topic and discussion style, it it's difficult to review your essay. Without that information, and having read your paraphrasing, as an examiner, I would fail your essay because the outline of the points for discussion, as well as a clear reference to the original topic claim cannot be found in your paraphrasing. In other words, the point of the essay was severely lost in translation. What is the issue for consideration and why is it important? How do you plan on discussing it? My interest wasn't held by your opening statement because of the improperly developed opening statement. Several under developed reasons per paragraph weakened the discussion. One or two strong points in individual paragraphs, to assist in your complex sentences development would have been better for your final score. Simply narrating reasons without actually discussing them doesn't help improve your grammar accuracy score because your sentences tend to remain simple and cannot really be used to assess your English lesson resource, comprehension, and written skills potential. Your conclusion doesn't follow the academic rule of 3 sentences minimum so this will also lower your score as it doesn't represent a properly developed paragraph. Overall, this is a good attempt that could have been better had you done certain things while developing your essay response.


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