IS ART REALLY NEED FOR OUR LIFE?

is art an essential subject for children at schools?

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time
discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Nowadays , all the children in the world go to school , the education of each country is different but all of them are knowledge . Although that , some parents still think art is a "waste of time" subject while others say it is an essential lesson . So I will discuss both sides and give my own opinion.

In this modern world art isn't a popular job , all parents always want to orientation their kids to work on business , technology , doctor , ... and art is not a job where people can make money . To do this job , kids have to have talent when they were young and must learn this from very soon

. At school , the teacher doesn't teach all the knowledge about art so all the kids got talent have to learn at school that depth about art or come to art center.That is the reasons why parents think that learn art in school is a waste of time.

In the other hand , we have to know that art is including music , painting , drawing . All this skill is very necessary for your life . At details art will help you get better in your creative , imagination , it also improve your performance , make you more confident . In a work environment , show yourself and make friends is very important , music can help by the performance in every party . As a results , art will help you create a social relations.

For me , I'm not going to go on an artistic work so it not very appropriate with me but I still need these skills in my life . It helps me make friends , make me more confident and more than that art help me make my life easier.

In the opening paraphrase, do not use a cut and paste for the phrase "waste of time". Even if you enclose it in quotation marks, the examiner will still see that you did not change the original words used and consider that part a "memorized phrase" and deduct points for it. You need to totally change that part of the presentation. As you know, you will lose points for lack of originality in your presentation. Which is why you have to use as many synonyms as you can in your prompt restatement paragraph.

There is a subject - verb disagreement in the presentation "it also improve your performance". It has to be "... improves..." It has to be in an active voice. Do not use special punctuation marks such as ellipses. That is never used in academic writing, which is what you are doing here. Use the period, comma, semi-colon, colon as your primary punctuation marks. Those are the punctuation marks normally used in academic writing. In the third paragraph, why is there a period before the start of the paragraph? The examiner could see that and deduct points under the GRA considerations.

The essay has some solid reasons presented but lacks proper discussion development. You did not justify the reasons you presented in a manner that would be convincing to the examiner. Work on improving your reasoning discussions in the next practice essay. The essay abruptly ended. There is no closing paraphrase to signify the end of the discussion. You created an open ended essay. Point deductions will be applied due to the inappropriate discussion format towards the end of the presentation.

"... want to orientation their kids"
You should have used 'orientate' instead of 'orientation'.
"To do this job , kids have to have talent ..."
I think you should rewrite this sentence because it is never important to know art from a young age.
"... teacher doesn't teach all ..."
You should write 'does not' and not 'doesn't'. Also in this sentence, ' all the kids got talent' should be written as ' all the kids who have got the talent'.

In the end this will be written as,
" At school, the teacher does not teach all the knowledge about art so all the kids who have gotten the talent for art have to learn at school that depth about art or come to an art center."