Hi,
Please help me with my toefl essay writing. Your feedback on this essay is highly appreciated.
QUESTION; It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer.
Both artists and scientists contribute largely to the development of any society. However their contributions are different in the way that they impact on the society. While artists address to the emotional feelings of the mankind, the scientists contribute largely towards their physical requirements. Therefore, the contributions made by artists and scientists need to be valued equally if we looks forward to achieving a developed society.
Artists have the capability of soothing the minds of the people. This is a very important aspect that enables people to relax and calm down, especially in their fast life styles. For example, when I drive home after strenuous hours in office, I usually play my stereo set up in the car, to listen to the songs of my favorite singer. These songs relax me before I reach home and I enter home with a fresh mind. Therefore the contribution that artists make to their society cannot be undermined for any reason.
Scientists in contrast to the artists, help develop the quality of life of members in the society. If not for the scientists we would have not had electricity or many other technologically advanced appliances to handle our daily chores. For example, a working mother is much revealed from the assistance given to her by the microwave oven in cooking. Therefore the scientists should be encouraged in their inventions in order to receive their contribution towards a technologically advanced society that enables people to upgrade the quality of life in terms of convenience, efficiency and reliability.
In our society, it is noted that contributions of both artists and scientists are equally recognized. The best example is that the country's most distinguished award for the year, "Uttamachara". This award is granted on annual basis to the most outstanding personalities of the fields of art and science. It is happy to acknowledge that the people of our society admire the valuable contributions of both science and art without any discrimination.
Finally, the world needs the contribution of both artists and scientists to make it a better place for the mankind to live. Therefore people should respect and regard both artists and scientists equally for their contributions and consider them as valuable assets to their society. However, it is happy to note that the society I am living in, acknowledges this fact.
It is good to make an in-depth thinking on scientists and artistes. All trades are equally important for us. Here I am sending some other thoughts about the topic.
All the machines that used by people in their day to day life are products of combine effort of scientist and artistes. Who design the attractive shape and beautiful interior of a car? It is a work of artistes. Architects are professionals who design buildings, towns, bridges etc. We know there are beautiful bridges in the world. Architects are artists who have some knowledge in engineering too. Therefore in addition to entertainments artistes make this world beautiful and attractive.
Asoka
Humankind is usually a better word than mankind.
It is encouraging to acknowledge that the people of our society admire the valuable contributions of both science and art without any discrimination.---- your way was not wrong, but that way of using "happy" is a little awkward.
Oh... I see how Mark corrected it, and that is good, too. So... you have two options.
:-)
