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IELTS Writing Task 2 : About athletes's Income


ehaforyou 3 / 5  
Feb 19, 2014   #1
" Successfai sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions.
Some people think this is fully justified while other think it is unfair. "

It is certainly true that a lot of sports superstars have higher income than others people who works in different field.
However, while there are many jobs are more essential than sports, I do not agree with the idea that athletes make
more money than others is unfair.

Most people can continue their careers after age of 50 such as lawyers, teachers, politicians.
In fact, the average career of professional athletes is very short, for example, almost every basketball players retired
after 40 years old, and professional swimmer's career even shorter than others. As the increase of age, our physical
state will decline even the sportsman, when their bodies can not hold the professional competition anymore, they will
hang up their spike even they just 40 years old. I think that is the main reason of why they earn more money than others.
Another factor cause the booming income is their spirit, like adidas slogan " impossible is nothing ", people can smell
that from the sports professionals who always expand their talents to unlimited. I believe everyone who develop their
talent as possible as they can will succeed in their careers.

However, others people argue with that athletes should not gain more money than those people whose jobs are more
important than sports. I consider the idea is completely wrong, because people can not evaluate the income on it's importance.
Moreover, athletes have good effect to teenage, a lot of athletes come from poor family, they can also encourage children who
living in poor area to chase their dream.

Generally speaking, because of the sort-career, i do not think it is unfair to others people, athletes not only show their talent to
everybody, they also are the great example for next generation who will be our pillars of future.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 19, 2014   #2
It is certainly true that a lot of sports superstars haveearn higher income than others other people who works in different field.

.... you need to improve and align this sentence more with your topic;
It is certainly true that lots of sports stars earn much higher salaries compared to the professionals in other important fields.

However, while there are many jobs are more essential than sports, I do not agree with the idea that athletes make more money than others is unfair.

However, some of these professionals make very important contributions to society, I do not see it is unfair for the sports stars to earn such high income.
OP ehaforyou 3 / 5  
Feb 19, 2014   #3
Thanks you !! it's help me a lot !
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 19, 2014   #4
However, othersothe r people argue with that athletes should not gain more money than those people whose jobs are more important than sports.

You gain knowledge, but earn money. There are lots of grammatical errors and I fixed most of them. Pay attention to your grammar!
However, other people argue that athletes do not deserve to earn such large sums of money

I consider the idea is completely wrong,

You said this already in the introduction. So you don't have to reiterate the same in your body paragraphs. Instead you should give reasons to justify your position and support them with specific examples.
Fardhani Putri 23 / 46 7  
Feb 19, 2014   #5
I believe everyone who developS their talent as possible as they can will succeed in their careers.

..can and will ?

people can smell that from the sports professionals who always expand their talents to unlimited.

.. please use the vocab properly

I consider the idea is completely wrong, because people can not evaluate the income on it's importance.

..cannot

Generally speaking, because of the sort-career, i do not think it is unfair to others people

...Generally speaking? what is that means? is it for formal writing?
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 19, 2014   #6
However, while there are many jobs are more essential than sports, I do not agree with the idea that athletes make
more money than others is unfair.

choose 1 linking conjunction

can smel l

I am sure this is an appropriate word
OP ehaforyou 3 / 5  
Feb 19, 2014   #7
Fardhani Putri

i don't understand what you mean

1. i can't use " can and will " same time or ?

4. my teacher told me that is a way to write an ending, so how could i do to make it better?

sorry my IELTS test result just 5.5, and i need to score 6.5 before mid March.

I appreciate everyone's help, and thanks you guys very much !!
Hope you guys have a good day!


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