As we attempt to focus, the whole other areas has less brightness and we tolerate the blur

IELTS writing 3: Peripheral vision in Sports

When we carefully notice that as we attempt to focus, the whole other areas of sight is indistinct and we unconsciously tolerate the blur. This peripheral vision, for athletes, is such an imperative aspect to keep track while performing physical manoeuvres and to detect all kinds of motions from every angle.

As professional athletes, their body must response the surroundings while the head motion must coordinate eye movement in balance with rapid scanning whose focus changes rapidly. The environment, furthermore, contributes to athletes' sense of peripheral concentration such as the visual contrast of facilities and non-confusing colour combination of the uniforms. The visual tracking errors can occur when the athlete's attention is distracted causing the indiscernible pause which makes the period accumulation of blinking to be out from the normal time of every minutes that had been calculated. These non-visual moments can be rather compensated if athletes thoroughly tune into the game, and in additional time, they can learn and practice art to serve them better.

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You have a good summary
I have some corrections

When we carefully noticed that as we attempttried to focus, the whole other areas of sight is indistinct the whole other areas had less ...
... physical manoeuvres and to detected all kinds of motions ...
..., their body must responses the surroundings while the head motion must coordinate eyes movement in balance with ...
The environment, furthermore, contributes to athletes' sense of peripheral ...
... when the athlete's attention is was distracted causing the indiscernible pause of separated times ...
... they can learnt and practice art to served them better.

You can using other conjuction.
Maybe there are some words should be exchange.
There is a sentence that too long.