Hi everyone, I'm preparing for TOEFL iBT test. Please help me to improve my writing skills.
This is my first practice essay. Please show me what I have done well and what I need to improve.
PROMPT: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (a play, concert, sporting event, etc) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
ESSAY:
Have you ever traveled along to support your home football team during tournaments? Have you attended at a stadium to watch your team's match, yell or even cry with the team and their thousands of fans there? If you have a great love with football and your home team, it is much more gratifying to stay side by side and cheer up the team at the stadium rather than just to stay at home and watch the match alone.
First, attending a live football match is very fulfilling. Before the match starts, thousands of fans gathering outside of the stadium with team flags, colorful outfits, sound of trumpets and rattles... everywhere. As the game kicks off, the atmosphere inside the stadium is even more exciting. You are watching football stars play the game with your own eyes and sharing your feelings with about 40,000 people at the stadium, such an excitement you can never have when you are watching it at home. Everybody yells and sings together, the stadium is like bursted out whenever a goal is scored. See, you will be bored if you are watching it alone.
Second, watching a live football game is an exceptional experience. You can watch it at home, but "easy come, easy go", you will quickly forget it, like a movie. The tickets to get in the stadium may be a little expensive, but you will gain much more entertainment value from the game. You can cherish your experience for a long time. Furthermore, it can be an exclusive experience. If it is a crucial win to acclaim a trophy, you will be "on site" to witness and celebrate the victory.
In conclusion, watch a football match on television it is comfortable and pleasing, but watching the match live at the stadium is more enjoyable. It can be unforgettable moments in your life.
This is my first practice essay. Please show me what I have done well and what I need to improve.
PROMPT: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (a play, concert, sporting event, etc) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
ESSAY:
Have you ever traveled along to support your home football team during tournaments? Have you attended at a stadium to watch your team's match, yell or even cry with the team and their thousands of fans there? If you have a great love with football and your home team, it is much more gratifying to stay side by side and cheer up the team at the stadium rather than just to stay at home and watch the match alone.
First, attending a live football match is very fulfilling. Before the match starts, thousands of fans gathering outside of the stadium with team flags, colorful outfits, sound of trumpets and rattles... everywhere. As the game kicks off, the atmosphere inside the stadium is even more exciting. You are watching football stars play the game with your own eyes and sharing your feelings with about 40,000 people at the stadium, such an excitement you can never have when you are watching it at home. Everybody yells and sings together, the stadium is like bursted out whenever a goal is scored. See, you will be bored if you are watching it alone.
Second, watching a live football game is an exceptional experience. You can watch it at home, but "easy come, easy go", you will quickly forget it, like a movie. The tickets to get in the stadium may be a little expensive, but you will gain much more entertainment value from the game. You can cherish your experience for a long time. Furthermore, it can be an exclusive experience. If it is a crucial win to acclaim a trophy, you will be "on site" to witness and celebrate the victory.
In conclusion, watch a football match on television it is comfortable and pleasing, but watching the match live at the stadium is more enjoyable. It can be unforgettable moments in your life.
