Energy usage in Australia and house gas emissions. IELTS Writing Task 1 - IELTS 10 Test 1

Question:
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

energy consumption and greenhouse gas emissions

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the green house gas emissions which result from this energy use.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

Answer:

(Introduction)The two pie charts give the information about the percentage of energy consumption and greenhouse gas emissions in an Australian household averagely.

(Main body 1)The most principal component of energy use is heating, occupying 42%, followed by water heating which accounted for 30%. There was a moderate energy use in other appliances while refrigeration and lighting occupy 7% and 4% respectively compared to the cooling only used 2% of energy.

(Main body 2)At the same time, the proportion of greenhouse gas emissions are distributed unevenly as well. The most significant amount can be seen in water heating with 32% as opposed to the least one, water heating, with only 3%, while other appliances emit 28%, which is staggeringly higher than heating and refrigeration, both at circa 15%. In addition, there is just 8% emissions due to the lighting.

(Overall)Overall, most energy are used in heating but considerable emissions are produced by water heating and other appliances while cooling is the most insignificant one in both energy consumption and gas production.

(166 words)

Welcome to find any mistakes!
Thank you!

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  IELTS 10 Test 1
  

@dophan
I would suggest you proofread as there are several mistakes that can be avoided if you had taken the time to go through your essay again.

For example: ... energy use is was heating, ... which accounted for 30%. There was a moderate energy use ... and lighting occupy occupied 7% and 4% ... the cooling which only used 2% of energy" you switched between past and present tense in the same sentence.

Another example: "... the least one, water heating cooling, with only ..." I'm pretty sure this mistake could've easily been avoided.

hope my comment helps

Daofan, the first thing you have to remember is that the opening paraphrase contains a specific number of sentences referring to a specific set of summarized instructions. These are as follows:

1. A description of each image provided with an explanation of the content. You cannot combine the two in one reference. Each chart must be individually identified with components enumerated.

2. A representation of the discussion instruction.
3. The trending statement. This may be placed anywhere in the essay in most instances. However, I have found that the students I have assisted in preparing for their Task 1 essays score on a higher level when they integrate the trending sentence at the end of the summarized information.

Do not get used to labeling your essays as you write. This is an unnecessary use of the word count, it will be counted against you should you write in this manner in the actual test. Write in a naturally flowing manner instead. The examiner does not need to be reminded of the parts of the essay. He has been scoring essays for this test longer than you have been preparing for it.