Australian household energy use and greenhouse gas emissions. Task 1: IELTS - CAMBRIDGE 10

Task 1 IELTS: The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart illustrates the proportions of energy usages in Australian households, ranging from water heating, refrigeration, other appliances, lighting, cooling, heating, while the second one demonstrates the emission percentages of greenhouse gas that stem from the aforementioned energy use.

Overall, heating witnessed the highest proportion as regards energy consumption, yet, it is evident that water heating emitted greenhouse gas the most among the studied categories.

Particularly, despite the fact that nearly a half of the total energy (around 42 percent) is spent on heating, only 15 percent of total greenhouse gas emissions are constituted by this activity. On the other hand, there was a similar pattern happened in the proportion of energy consumption and greenhouse gas emission in terms of water heating activity, with 30 percent compared to 32 percent, as well as cooling (accounted for 3% and 2% respectively).

However, in other activities, the proportions of total greenhouse emitted almost as double as those of energy consumption, for instance: refrigeration: 14 compared to 7 percent, then 8 and 4 percent on lighting and others are 28 with 15 percent.

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Hello,
I think you have too many paragraphs, for writing task 1, I think you can make it into 4 paragraphs only.

@chrisfellach Thank you for your comment !

"ranging from water heating..."
I think there is only the phrase "range from sth to sth". Where's the "to". But this word is not suitable in this situation.

I would fix "namely water heating, refrigeration, lighting, cooling, heating, and other appliances". I often see " other appliances" at the end of the sentence in most of the academic writing.

"the proportions of total greenhouse emitted almost as double as those of energy consumption". You missed to be before "as double as".

And the most important thing is that your essay is not coherent. This pie chart does not mention the year, so all your essay should be in present tense. But I see you used both past tense and present tense. It will dramatically downgrades your score.

While you did write more than enough words to get a higher scoring consideration for the scoring brackets, the fact that these are mostly run on sentences instead of complete paragraphs of 3-5 sentences will lower its scoring potential. As an essay that represents the original charts, you neglected to mention the types of measurements used in each chart and there is a lack of proper comparison.

You cannot start a sentence with the word "particularly" because that is a word that is used to call emphasis to some information in relation to a previous statement within the same sentence. For example, "I don't like the smell of lemons, particularly, Verbena Lemons."

You need to learn how to better present your sentences. You have to make sure that your sentences give the reader a pause within the presentation to be able to catch up with the reading material. A comma can be used for that task but, you need to figure out when to use the full stop, the period, to add clarity and coherence to your presentation.

Hi Miatran, I am in the same situation as you, I find difficulties in describing specific trends, and I think the solution for that is to memorize some accurate vocabulary about upward, downward and overall to make your essay well structured and cohesive.

@THC1310vn Thank you so much for your comment !