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Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity/IETLS task one


wonderinwander  
May 10, 2018   #1

statistics of fitness activity in australia



The graph compares the proportion of males and females in six distinct age groups who regularly involved in physical exercise in Australia in the year of 2010.

Overall, it is clear that women were more engaged in doing physical exercise in most of the age groups. Meanwhile, the participation rate was very close between males and females in the group of age 65 and over while there was a discrepancy in other age groups.

The highest proportion of men who did workout on a regular basis with 52.8% was in the age group of 15 to 24 while there was only 47.7% in women. By contrast, 53.3% females who were more interested in physical activities, with more than 10% increased than males in the age group of 45 to 54. However, in the age group of 65 and over saw a close rate in men and women who did physical exercise regularly, with 46.7% and 47.1% respectively.

As can be seen, men in the age group of 35 to 44 had the lowest involve rate in regular body building, with just under 40%, while there was over 52% in women counterpart, with a gap of nearly 13% difference. In the meantime, in the age group of 25 to 34 and 55 to 64, both had similar increase rate with just over 7% in females than males who did physical exercise on a regular basis.

the total word is 234. I know it's way too much but had struggle shorten the essay. Any comment and suggestion will be highly appreciated!




TJLuschen 190  
May 11, 2018   #2
Hi, I'm not sure about the word count, but I do think that your report could have been a little more clear. There didn't seem to be enough structure to organize the report, so the main part of your report ended up just sounding like 6 sentences comparing the male and female participation rates in the 6 age groups. I think it would have been better if you had said something like: Only in the youngest group did male participation exceed the female participation rate. The results switched in the 25 to 34 group, with females exceeding males by 48.9 to 42.2. The gap got wider in the 35 to 44 group, with women out-participating men by 52.5% to 39.5%, but then difference between the two sexes gradually decreased as the ages got higher until at age 65 and over the rates were almost identical. See, if you give more of an overall feel for the data, then the reader will have a better idea of what the graph is showing.

Here are some specific suggestions:

age groups who were regularly involved

Australia in the year of 2010. {or just "in 2010"}

... men who worked out on a regular basis

By contrast, 53.3% of the females who were more interested in physical activities, with more than 10% increased more than males ... However, in the age group

saw a close rate between men and ...

... had the lowest involvement rate in regular body building, {this regular body building sounds odd, like you are comparing it with irregular body building or something}

... both had similar increase rate {"increase rate" is wrong here} with just over 7% more females than males
OP wonderinwander  
May 12, 2018   #3
Thank you very much for your help! it's very helpful! :)


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