Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

The average distance in miles which people drove to somewhere else in England from 1985 to 2000

mardian24 46 / 75  
Dec 2, 2016   #1
The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.

A breakdown of the average distance in miles how people move to somewhere else in England from 1985 to 2000, is depicted in the table. Overall, it can be seen that car experienced the most favorite transportation in both years, while taxi recorded the smallest in the first category year and bicycle in the rest year.

To begin with, the majority of transportation mode in 2000 was higher than in 1985. Firstly, car showed the highest distance of people at 4,806, while bicycle was the least popular at 41 in 2000. After that, taxi in 1985 showed at 13, while in 2000 recorded above three times higher in 2000.

On the other hand, there were a decrease in the number of transportation mode between 1985 and 2000. First of all, local bus appeared at 429 in 1985, while it was smaller at 274 in 2000. There was a drop in the distance of bicycle by 10 at 41, while local bus had the greatest drop by 155 in 2000.

  • Question

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Dec 8, 2016   #2
Mardian, apart from the above-mentioned feedback from one of EF contributors, I would like to focus on your content. However, I might say that your content seems not strong enough to cover all the necessary information that is given. This is because your paragraphing structure might lack of sentence(s). You need to bear in mind that each paragraph for either IELTS task 1 or task 2 needs to have at least three sentences per each. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of the chart given and possibly describe all the necessary information without missing any of it. Format your opening paragraph this way:

A breakdown of... (1st sentence)
Overall, it can be... (2nd sentence)
Additionally, there is... (3rd sentence)

Also, you need to know that an overview sentence is not simply consisted of the largest and the lowest data. You need to analyze the stage or possibly a general comparison instead of only mentioning the largest and lowest. This would be dangerous towards your band score if your overview sentence doesn't adequately cover the general information that is needed. In terms of Task Achievement, this essay would only worth 5 because of unclear overview sentence.

Home / Writing Feedback / The average distance in miles which people drove to somewhere else in England from 1985 to 2000