IELTS writing 2 - who should be awarded, good teacher or a good student?

Dear all, please help to comment, many thanks!

the success of education - who's behind of it?

Some people believe that teachers have an important role to play in the educational success, while others think it is the student's attitude that matters. Discuss both views and share your opinion.

It is argue that whether a good teacher or pupil's attitude play the key role to the success of education. While I believe the student's motivation is vital to the success, without assistant from the teaching staff such the goal to accomplish.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that the attitude of the students influence their study which affecting their academic result. In other word the student's motivation of study is the critical factor which is to determine the success of failure of an education. So it is understandable that many people give the attitude of pupil higher importance on the academic success.

On the other hand, it is also agreed by others that teacher play the essential position to lead a success education. The good teacher must be the good student to himself, which means he can spot the needs and wants of his students by observation during lesson, and then work out the suitable teaching plans in order to improve the academic results of his pupils.

In my opinion, I believe that a good teacher is the prime key toward the educational success as of his ability on motivating their students on study. Since they help to increase the number of students with good attitude, as a result this lead the higher chance of educational success in future.

In conclusion, while some believe that both teaching staff and pupil are playing a vital factor on the success of education, I weight teacher the most due to their talent on influencing student to be more motivative on study, which toward the educational success as a result.

Smally, the first thing I want you to do is to stop agreeing with all the errors that are pointed out in your writing. Acknowledge the mistakes internally and try to stop making the same mistakes over and over again in your succeeding essays. The best way to acknowledge the advice is to have you show improvement in your writing. You do that by applying the corrections that are given to you. I hope I have myself clear about this. Acknowledging your mistakes, but then repeating the same errors, as you did in this essay, does nothing to help improve your writing skills.

Now, I am sure that I have already advised you that not all task 2 essays are arguments. In order to figure out what discussion reference to use, look for the keyword in the essay. For this essay, the keyword is "believe". So you cannot say "argue" since there is no debate being referenced in the original discussion. Rather than "argue" you could say "Some people think that...". Think then takes the place of "believe as a keyword. It is still related to the original prompt keyword.

With regards to your sentences per paragraph. Try to create connected sentences rather than extremely long sentences that try to connect 2 different thoughts into one sentence presentation. Use transitional phrases or sentences to connect the sentences and paragraphs. You are lowering your GRA scoring potential by using only 2 long sentences per paragraph when the requirement is 3-5 sentences per paragraph. Your opening paraphrase is severely lacking in the context of the original reference. A better presentation is:

There are folks who think that teachers play a critical role in the education of a child. Others have the impression that it is the student who should be self inspired to achieve academic accomplishments. I will be considering both points of view in this essay in relation to my personal opinion.

Finally, you need to work on your vocabulary in relation to your sentence structure. There are two glaring errors in your presentation that I cannot omit mentioning in my review. The first has to do with the following:


- I am sure this makes sense in your native language but the way you have this sentence structured in English doesn't make sense. What is the point of this phrase? What are you referring to? How you refer to the subject of the sentence is just as important as the subject itself. Without that clarity, the sentence becomes really confusing to the reader.


- This is grammatically wrong. You are offering the reader a choice in this sentence so the proper structure is "success OR failure of ..." Or being the keyword in a sentence offering the reader a choice.

Now, I do not want you to say "I agree that..." in a response statement coming from you. That is tantamount to constantly apologizing for yourself and you have to stop with that defeatist attitude. It will not help you get any better with your writing skills. Just show me that you will not make the same mistakes in your future work. That is the best acknowledgement of mistakes and appreciation for the advice given that I and the others who will be advising you in this thread can receive from you :-)

thanks @Holt for your comments. Keep trying still...

Because of you I totally agree that a good teachers have an important role to play in the educational success.

Good afternoon,

For each paragraph, there are only 2-3 sentences. Due to the lack of the amount of information (sentences), the transition to the next paragraph seems weak. Try to add more sentences for each paragraph, that would support your thesis.