My English Instructor wants a 1000 word argumentative essay based on a personal experience. She doesn't want generalizations or a narrative essay but one that argues my personal viewpoint. How can I improve my paper?
Bank of America is a Great Employer
In the year of 2008, Bank of America became "The Bank of Opportunity". Now ask yourself what does that mean exactly? Well as an associate at Bank of America I have experienced lots of wonderful opportunities working for this company such as promotions and annual salary increases (even as high as 15%). However, that is minimal in comparison to the opportunity I benefit from daily working for a company that provides the opportunity to be a satisfied associate year after year. Some may disagree with Bank of America's performance as a company on the investment side, but as an associate it has truly been an awesome ride. I have always dreamed of being employed with a company where I can really grow to full potential and make a regular 9-5 job out of a stable career and be happy in the process. In my 4 years of employment, Bank of America has been innovative in assuring the continued focus on associate satisfaction.
Bank of America supplies me as an associates with everything I need to be successful. My start with the bank began January 11, 2005; in the role of a Entry Level Collector. This is a position where you have direct contact with customers having financial hardships. Upon being hired, Bank of America supplies a full two week paid training assistance program to newly hired associates to increase the opportunity to succeed regardless of previous work experience. The trainers are great. The Bank of America learning coaches focus on instilling the "Core Values" of Bank of America into the hearts and minds of every associate. There are a total of five Core Values that we learn to apply which are : Doing the right thing, Trust and Team work, Inclusive Meritocracy, Winning and Leadership. These values are used to developed confidence in associates ability and as a team and helps creates a positive work environment. Bank of America provided me with a total of 3 learning coaches to stand by even after my in-class training ended; to be of assistance in case difficult challenges arouse. The bank provides this special attention to all newly hired associates to ensure proper development and understanding of the policies and procedures we adhere to for our success. Once I was settled in the position the support did not end. I had several one on one meetings with management offering "360 degree coaching" (which means they give an assessment of your weaknesses and strengths for areas of improvement) and evaluated opportunities for growth and career advancement. Now what person out of high school with little to no college background would not be completely blown away by the amazing focus the bank places on taking care of their associates needs.
Bank of America as a company creates opportunity to achieve real career paths; and is a participant of the Board of Toast Masters in Orange County, California. Toast Masters is another awesome way Bank of America provides associates such as myself with satisfaction and what I need to improve in areas like public speaking, essay development and preparation (all essential to long term success) . I am now enrolled in the on-site Toast Masters team and it was been extremely beneficial. I was amazed and I am still amazed at my consistent progress and help I receive to be successful. I get the support I need from all levels of management to achieve my goals, for example I was applying for a position that became available and my direct manager helped me modify my resume and gave me interviewing tips needed to have a strong interview, wow. My experience with Bank of America has been satisfying to say the least. I have never worked for a company I have been more happy with. The bank offers associates such as myself the opportunity to work in a consistently changing environment and still receive the benefit of complete associate support and making associates feel valued and appreciated. Associate satisfaction is always priority on the list regardless of the company financial challenges or setbacks as an business.
Bank of America is at the top of the game assuring that my dreams and goals as an employee are a reality. Among some of the many "wow" factors that make Bank of America a most favorable employer is that fact that the bank continues to strive to meet the challenges of most busy working society. Let's face it many individuals have goals but lack the resources to achieve those goals. The bank gladly provides college tuition reimbursement at 100% for desired associates like myself that want to continue to be educated. This is a great demonstration of the companies desire to provide associate satisfaction and retain the best out of me the associate. My goal has been to further my education and still be able to maintain my full-time employment status. I am not only able to achieve that goal but it is covered by the company 100%. Another great associate satisfaction perk is the bank offers varies work schedule options for students to have the flexibility needed to juggle work and school. Some of the shifts provided are : early morning shifts as early as 5am which would allow students to get off work as early as 1:30 in the afternoon! This allows me to be able to work and support myself financially and still have enough time to study and go to class in the late afternoon or evening. There are also shifts that begin as late as 12noon and end as late as 9pm, for associates that prefer to attend early morning classes. I have benefited from both of these options at one time or another. The immediate internal growth and advancement options Bank of America provides is also pretty neat. Once employed in a current role for a minimum of six months, you are eligible to be considered for promotions for other positions as they become available. Since 2005, I have promoted over 3 band levels due to this amazing benefit. These opportunities gives me everything I need to be successful in my endeavors and a loyal satisfied employee a long the way.
Many companies have perks they offer their associates to provide a level of financial assistance for working families however, Bank of America has proven to me and many of their associates that we as associates are not only the foundation of the company but the company also sends a message to every associate that success can be achieved by working together to be the best we can be. When considering all the wow these wow factors, it will show that Bank of America goes above and beyond in raising the bar to satisfy and retain their associates.
Hello, Unshella. I am a little unsure about which sentence in the intro paragraph is your thesis. Perhaps it is the last sentence? It might be a good idea(depending on what you think your teacher expects) to have the thesis as the first or second sentence. Also in that thesis statement it is a good idea to try and fit all of the main ideas that your body paragraphs will discuss. This will really make it obvious what your thesis is and the teacher will know what to expect in the body paragraphs.
For your body paragraphs: I can tell that the first body paragraph is about what the company did to make your job easier. Try to be as specific as you can in your topic sentences. This might be more suitable: Bank of America has supplied me as an associate with everything I need to be successful at all the different levels of employment I was with them for.
If you want the second body paragraph to be about career path opportunites then I would consider moving the information about the Board of Toast Masters under the dreams and goals paragraph as it deal more with "long term success" than specific career paths. Also you should consider cutting out the last 4 sentences of the 2nd body paragaph. They don't really ad to any of the ideas you have presented thus far and are too general.
The 2nd and 3rd body paragraphs seem to meld together in their subject matter. Think about really nailing down what these 2 paragraphs are specifically talking about so that they are different and cannot be confused with each other. Ex. The 3rd to last sentence of the 3rd body paragraph should go in the 2nd body paragraph.
Really seperate those ideas out between your body paragraphs and work out a distinct thesis sentence and you will have it! Good luck!
In the year of 2008, Bank of America became "The Bank of Opportunity". Now ask yourself what does that mean exactly? Well as an associate at Bank of America I have experienced lots ofmany wonderful opportunities working for this company such as promotions and annual salary increases (even as high as 15%).
However, that is minimal in comparison to the opportunity I benefit from daily working for a company that provides the opportunity to be a satisfied associate year after year.
This (above) is way too wordy. Also confusing.
Some may disagree with Bank of America's performance as a company on the investment side, but as an associate, it has truly been an awesome ride.
I have always dreamed of being employed by a company where I can really grow to full potential and make a regular 9-5 job out of a stable career and be happy in the process. This sentence also needs revision.
Bank of America supplies me, as an associate, with everything I need to be successful.
These values are used to developed confidence in associates ability and as a team and helps create a positive work environment.
I am now enrolled in the on-site Toast Masters team and it has been extremely beneficial.
Associate satisfaction is always priority on the list regardless of the companies financial challenges or setbacks as an business.
Another great associate satisfaction perk is the bank offers varied work schedule options for students to have the flexibility needed to juggle work and school.
These opportunities give me everything I need to be successful in my endeavors and a loyal satisfied employee along the way.
Many companies have perks they offer their associates to provide a level of financial assistance for working families, however, Bank of America has proven to me and many of their associates that we as associates are not only the foundation of the company but the company also sends a message to every associate that success can be achieved by working together to be the best we can be. Sentence is way too long and lacks clarity.
When considering all the wow these wow factors, it will show that Bank of America goes above and beyond in raising the bar to satisfy and retain their associates.
Good advice from Guatama, and here are a few minor fixes and suggestions.
:)
This was interesting to me because I used to work at Bank of America.
Great advice above, you have a lot of good material to work with.
