TOEFL essay - Banning smoking in public areas and office buildings is good or bad?

Hi all :)
I'm going to take the TOEFL test on 12th May, so I may need your help more frequently. Could people take a look at my essay and give opinions about it? Thanks :)

Topic:
In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position.

Essay (324 words)
In my opinion, it's really a bad rule to forbid people smoking in public places and office buildings. Although some people may argue this is done to protect the community's health, disallowing smoking can also lead to some other problems which are harmful for both smokers and non-smokers.

First, if handling properly, smoking will not be a threat for all people. When smokers engage to smoking, they understand well the harm of those cigarettes, and that's no need to forbid smoking just to protect their health. Also, to avoid the problem of smoking to the whole community, we can open specific smoking area in public places and office buildings. If the number of such areas is adequate enough, I think it won't be a big problem to everyone.

Second, forbidding smoking will result a great loss to the business. When people cannot smoke in most of the places, they won't purchase as many cigarettes as when they can. This leads to a drop of cigarettes' sales and affects badly to tobacco companies and farmers who plant tobacco. Moreover, since the tax from tobacco sales is relatively high, forbidding smoking can cause the same loss of money to the government as well.

Third, forbidding smoking may lower employers' performance at work. Nowadays, they often face numerous stressful situations from the high requirement in their job. As a result, some people rely on smoking to relieve stress and concentrate on working. But if they can no longer smoke, they won't be able to escape from stress and their performance will decline drastically. Obviously, no companies want such things happen.

To sum, although banning smoking has its advantages, their negative effects are worth considering. Its potential harm to the business and employers explains why smoking in public areas and buildings can still be tolerated. As I mention before, opening specific smoking areas in public places can be considered to balance the need of both smokers and non-smokers.

Yes banning smoking in public areas is good because we encourage others such as students and aldults not to smoke but they insist anyway. If we banned smoking from areas many people will quit i hope. I swear and will never in my life smoke because i am in the 7th grade and learned the negativity onto smoking. Its dangerous and it could lead to death. Now this is harsh but when i was in health class i was watching this real life smoking viedo when people come out and tell how smoking ruined their lives then this young aldult age 33 was talking about how she started smoking at age ten then if yoiu saw this all of her airsacks were destroyed she had to use an airpump to get from her living room to her kitchen. So tell me this. Is this sad or not? I am sitting here thinking ---what is this was my mother ? what if So if anyone in your family smoke i encourage you to show them this message please. You don't know--You can save a life!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for your comments :)
Certainly, I still face problems in choosing the appropriate expression in my essay. Perhaps this problem arises when I don't want to cause any vagueness or unclear in the information.

For example. "we can open specific smoking areas in public places and office buildings"
Initially, I wrote "it would be better to open specific smoking areas..." but then I realized it lacks clarification. I think this following expression is better: "it can be done by opening..."

to Jason: in the 3rd paragraph, I didn't mean they don't purchase cigarettes. They just buy fewer, so I think there's no problem with the argument.