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Task 1/Bar chart/ Australian men and woman who exercised frequently in 2010


winniethepooh 1 / 1  
Sep 20, 2019   #1

the number of physically active Australians



The bar chart provided offer insights into the rate of Australian male and female in distinct age groups who did frequent physical activity in 2010.

Most strikingly, the proportion of people who did physical exercise in Australia experienced a dip in different age groups.

It can be seen from the chart that men in 15 to 24 age group represented the vast of majority at roughly 53% among age groups. In the contrary, male in middle age group just did almost four in ten (39,5%). There were no considerable differences in the portions of 45 to 65 and over age groups, with the figures ranging from 43,1% to 46,7%.

As far as women in dissimilar age groups are concerned, there was a slight growth and peaked at over a half in 45 to 54 age group. However, the percentage of female who did physical fitness slipped remarkably at over three quarters in 65 and over age group.


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Maria [Contributor] - / 1,047 372  
Sep 21, 2019   #2
@winniethepooh
Hey, welcome! I'm here to provide you with feedback on your writing. I hope that this somehow becomes beneficial for your writing goals. Should it be, don't hesitate to keep coming back to us.

For one, I suggest opting to reconstruct your sentences in a more concise manner. Doing this would definitely help your writing become a lot more bolder and straightforward. This is a critical trait when you are writing because it improves peoples' perception of the text.Take a look at your first paragraph or sentence. It could have been phrased with a lot less detail to appear more like what a thesis statement should.

The latter portions of your text appear to subtly be informal. Evade this because it can impact the flow of your writing. What I suggest is that you focus on using more meaningful words that are appropriate for this standard of writing. Having randomized articulations within parenthesis certainly do not help you progress further.


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