IELTS1: The bar chart - the gender ratio of art-related subjects of the educational institution 2011

The proportion of male and female students studying six art-related subjects at a UK

The bar chart demonstrates the gender ratio of art-related subjects of the educational institution in 2011. It is appreciable that girls more likely enrolled in artistic areas than boys.

The English language and literature is the most demanding subject by the male students among artistic areas, and there is corresponding result in girls. In most cases, the gap between gender equity in each class is just under the 50 students, which girls ratio is higher than boys. The most unbalanced ratio is in Philosophy class, enrollment of the girls triple the boys. Art and Design is the only one subject that shows opposite gender ratio among others, in which men's proportion is roughly higher by 25 students. Other classes, such as communication and media study, linguistic shows same quantity by opposite, which girls overwhelmed than boys.

• 
  336902_1_o.jpeg
  

The essay falls short of the minimum word count at 136 words. A situation that was perhaps caused by the briefness of the summary overview. That paragraph may have 2 sentences in it, but it delivers incomplete information as it only provides the subject and trending statement. Missing from the paragraph is the summary of information highlights as can be found in the bar graph.

Another reason for the failure to meet the word formatting requirements is that there are only 2 paragraphs in what should be a 3 paragraph, 5 sentence essay. The existing paragraph utilizes too much run-on sentence presentations and does not use a variety of punctuation marks other than a period and a comma, resulting in a paragraph that is difficult to remember and understand. There needs to be a more proper comparison presentation used to provide the 3 paragraph requirement.

I think the paragraph is too short. It is required about 150 words for writing task 1. You should divide the given information into 2 groups that contain the same factors, then try to describe them in detail in 2 paragraphs.