Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


[IELTS WRITING TASK 1] BAR CHART - GLOBAL MOBILE PHONES SALES BY BRAND



typicallyarimel 2 / 3  
Jun 7, 2022   #1

GLOBAL MOBILE SALES



The given bar chart demonstrates the worldwide sales of the top five cell phone brands over the span of 4 years, starting from 2009.

Overall, despite an upward trend in the global sales of Samsung, Apple and ZTE, LG and Nokia's figures experienced an unwanted decline.

Looking at the graph, it is readily seen that Nokia was by far the market leader of nearly 450 million in 2009, followed by Samsung with halved sales (230 million). The corresponding figures for LG, ZTE and Apple are 125 million, 50 million and 25 million respectively.

Nevertheless, Nokia's global sales witnessed a slight decrease in 2011, and after that was a considerable tail-off of virtually 200 million two years later, stepping down from first to second place. LG also experienced the same propensity, with a decrease of about 30 million every two years. By 2013, Samsung's sales had doubled to take the first place, with Apple's being sixfolded to 150 million. Meanwhile, there was only a 1o million increase in the sales of ZTE.


  • PORTSA.png


Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15384  
Jun 7, 2022   #2
Divide the summary overview into individual information sentences. starting off with a run- on sentence means major point deductions that can lower the TA score to a failing level. The writer opened by showing a lack of sentence structure control due to the missing mix of appropriate sentence styles.

"Despite" is a preposition that connotes "in spite of" or " not withstanding". This can only be used to refer to a situation where a common scenario exists which has been overcome by the group. This is not the case for the trending statement since s of the companies have a different scenario. There is a word usage error that affected the clarity of the idea presentation in that aspect.

Do not ask the reader to look at the graph.That is never an instruction given in an analytical report. Use a different way of starting off the sentence. Use a topic rather than directional reference.

All sentence references must be between 3-5 to represent an academic analytical paragraph. Use the uniform minimum to maximum sentence count paragraph. That is the best way to meet the GRA requirements.
OP typicallyarimel 2 / 3  
Jun 7, 2022   #3
appreciate your useful feedback!!! thanks a lot! have a nice dayy


Home / Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING TASK 1] BAR CHART - GLOBAL MOBILE PHONES SALES BY BRAND
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳