Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

The bar chart illustrates the alteration of the global sales of hybrid vehicles - four-year period


mita23 34 / 37 3  
Feb 1, 2016   #1
The bar chart illustrates the alteration of the global sales of hybrid vehicles over a four-year period, started from 2006 to 2009. Overall, it can obviously be seen that, despite some fluctuations in US, the transaction of hybrid transportation in Japan and other experienced upward trend.

Based on the chart, in the first year, the number of hybrid transportation sales in Japan stood at more than 50.000, which had similar point to that of other countries while the trade in US stayed at the highest number along this period at approximately 250.000. Consequently, the total sales in 2006 reached 360.000 sales. However, 2007 saw a steep growth in the number of sales in those three classification regions.

Turning to the following year (2008), the number of sales in US still overtook the largest number at more than 300.000 sales, followed by other countries and Japan. Surprisingly, the point of sales in US decreased dramatically as the second largest number of sales in the next year whereas the ratio of hybrid vehicle sales in Japan and other countries hit a high of more than 300.000 and 100.000, respectively. As a result, the total of sales in the end period was 740.000, two times greater compared to the first period (2006).

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 1, 2016   #2
Mita, you need to improve the composition of your opening statement. As a report overview, you are expected to deliver the key information in the chart within 3-5 sentences. As of now, your opening statement falls short if the informative requirements of this type of essay writing.

Your essay format is too tight on the page. Try to clearly show that you have 3 separate paragraphs, at a minimum in your next essay by using the enter key to separate the lines. Yes, line breaks are very important in the formatting of your essay as it offers the examiner a better chance to read and understand what you have to say.

The rest of your presentation is complete and acceptable. However, you have a tendency to over summarize the data you have. Always try to go for the long form of the presentation just to make the report more informative and assure the examiner of your logical thinking and writing abilities in English. When the essay is too short, as in this case, it seems like you have a limited ability to use the English language and could result in a lower grade.


Home / Writing Feedback / The bar chart illustrates the alteration of the global sales of hybrid vehicles - four-year period