numbers of generated and consumed electricity
The bar chart illustrates the number of both electricity consumption and production of top 10 countries across Asia, Europe and America in 2014. Looking from an overall perspective, majority of countries produced more electricity than it depleted.
It is apparent readily that most proportion electricity was both generated and consumed by China, that it both accounted for over 5000. The United States took second place who represented over 4000 production. The consumption of electricity in the United States was slightly less than it produced. The country who occupied the third place was Russia, the number of Russia was significantly different from previous two countries. It only constituted merely over 1,000 for both expenditure and production.
Turning to the rest of countries, number of generated and consumed electricity were all below 1000. These countries overall produced slightly more than they consumed, however, only the amount of electricity production in Germany was insufficient for used.
Overall your answer was pretty comprehensive and covered most of the points. You could work on the grammar in some lines, like -
"The country ..."
It could be written instead like -
"The country who occupied the third place, Russia, was significantly different from the previous two countries"
Hello @yahsuanamber
Honestly, i am sorry that i can not review your writing because absence of images. however, i suggest in the next time it better if you give clear images. then we can analyses about your interpretation about the data.
Despite there was no image, i try to give you an objective feedback, i think you have forgotten to compares between countries's values. it is extremely essential if you want obtain high score.
@yahsuanamber
Hello! Welcome to the forum. I'm a contributor, so I am hoping that this feedback of mine gives you an idea on how to improve this essay.
Firstly, be extra cautious when you are using (and not using) punctuation marks. Missing out on the appropriate placements can be dragging for your essay, especially since you need to be able to compartmentalize your writing to make it appear a lot more effective in giving out details. Try to be paraphrase parts of the writing that can be worked on. For instance, the last sentences of the second paragraph should be paraphrased in a way that will give your writing more presence. Avoid repetitive words as much as possible.
The last paragraph also needs to be hammered down more because it appears as though you were focusing too much on a single country's concern, rather than really giving out something that's comprehensive and focused.