IELTS TASK 1 - The bar chart below shows the employment of all male and female workers by occupation

The bar chart below shows the employment of all male and female workers by occupation in the UK in the year 2005.

The percentage of employment by genders in the 9 occupations in the UK has been depicted in the bar chart in the year 2005. Overall, the man and women possess nearly same percentage in professional, associate professional, technical and elementary job.

Mostly men workers in the UK plunged into the skilled trade world, it was showed by the highest percentage at 20%. However the minority of them work as personal service at around 3%. While those who work as operator of process, plant and machine had same percentage with laborers and catering assistant at 17%.

On the other hand, the greatest percentages of female workers were related to the administrative and secretarial at around 23%. Moreover the smallest percentage was skilled trade at only approximately 3%, this condition was reversed to the man workers as majority of the job. Whereas, the post of manager and senior official were same proportion as the professionals at about 3%.

• 
  figure7_tcm77256163.png
  

Hi


-the percentage of employement by gender in nine occupations in England has depicted in the bar chart in 2005
trying to use some variations of verb two and three, rather than using to be .
thank you =)

I guess it would be much more better if you start your sentence by " This chart/ graph shows/illustrates the percentage ...."