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Ielts task 1 - Graphs comparing the male and female employment status


krempetkov 13 / 29 6  
Nov 23, 2016   #1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia.

Overall, i struggle a lot writing this report and i think there are a lot of noticeable mistakes - especially with the preposition usage and also at tymes it sounded repeatable. I am really concern about this sentence - "The same pattern was observed in the finance sector, where in just 20 years, 5 tymes more girls were occupated, while the number of men diminished again, this time by approximately 80 people." - i think it sounds quite stannge and confusing and i will appreciate every suggestion how to rewrite it.

The graphs reveal the information in regard to the number of men and women occupated in 6 different job sectors of the republic of Freedonia. The provided information is about the period between 1975 and 1995. Overall, most of the males worked at the public(non-defence) sector, while the prevalent part of the females were occupated at the wholesale and retail trade area.

The number of girls, who worked in the public(defence) sector increased significantly throughout the given period, whereas less men were employed in the same business area in 1995 than 20 years ago. The same pattern was observed in the finance sector, where in just 20 years, 5 tymes more girls were occupated, while the number of men diminished again, this time by approximately 80 people. The amount of males and females employed in the manufacturing stayed the same during the given period, as nearly 300 women worked there, while the men occupated there were twice as much.

In the wholesale sector, in 1995 the women employed in this area were outnumbered by the men, due to the dramatic increase experienced in the amount of women occupated in this working area. The figure of the females at the communication sector fall by roughtly 300, whereas the number of men employed in this has not changed, from the rates observed in 1975. The men and women occupated in the non-defence public sector remained the same and they were numbered respectively, 850 and 650.

m7mdbsheer 6 / 7 1  
Nov 23, 2016   #2
Hi Krempetkov, here are som suggestions:

- The graphs reveal(provide, give) the information inon/aboutregard to the number of men (...) in 6 different job sectors ofin the republic of Freedonia.

- The provided information is aboutwas over the period between ...
- The number of girls, ..... inappropriate usage of word girl, you should say women or female.
- The amount of males (...) stayed the samestable during .....
- and they were numbered respectively, 850 and 650 respectively. .

excellent and well organised writing. :)


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