Task 1 IELTS the bar graph shows the global sales (in bilion of dollars) of different games

Hi ! I am practicing on Ielts and I got this prompt:
The prompt says : the bar graph shows the global sales (in bilion of dollards) og different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006

sale of games worldwide

The bar graph gives information about worldwide proceeds in dollars of four different kinds of videogames, namely mobile phone, online, console and handled games over the course of 6 years starting from 2000.

It is noticeable that the sales of console games enormously declined over period, whereas the taking of three other things increased dramatically every year.
In 2000, the global proceeds of console games followed by $6 billion, while handled games reached a plateau at $11 billion. Over the next 2 years, sales of console games still plunged by $2bilion although the turnover of handled games still went down . In that year, mobile phone and online began to be known. The next year, the figure for console games decreased by $3bilion.However, sales of three other stuffs.

In 2006, proceeds of handled games hitched the highest point of the graph and turnover of online and mobile games reached &10 and $7bilion .In contrast, sales of console games went down and became the lowest column.

To, there is no way to accurately grade your essay because of the lack of the copy of the bar graph. The image that accompanies the prompt is actually a mandatory upload because it carries the proper analysis of your essay along with it. I will compare the work that you did with the information in the graph as well as the instructions that were provided with it. While I think that you shared the relevant information in a direct manner, this actually made the essay fall short of the 3 sentence minimum per paragraph. You only have one paragraph that accurately depicts the correct format and that is the 3rd paragraph. The rest of the paragraphs are underdeveloped. So, without the illustration to refer to, I will assume that your essay does not share the complete information in the chart or, your sentences ran too long and combined 2 thoughts in one sentence, hence the length, which is the cause of the shortened essay presentation.

It is not enough to just have the proper word count in the essay. It is important to make sure that you present all of the required elements of the format, as well as the prompt. The first paragraph could have used additional information, which was most likely overlooked on your part, but should have been part of the opening statement / report summary. The same goes for the concluding statement.

I hope you keep these pointers in mind when you write your next essay. In the meantime, I will await the copy of the illustration so that I can properly advice you regarding which parts to further improve.

@Holt
I am sorry but no way I can copy my graph on this web . Can you give me instruction?

The students normally attach the image of a scan of the prompt with the essay. There is actually a button in the black portion of the box above the text box that says "Attach Image". Click on that link to upload the image. You can post / upload the image in the next thread by using that instruction. You can't attach it to the original link anymore. So just upload it as a new response. Just out some text in the text box that says "Here is the image" so that I will know that you uploaded the image for this exercise. It is not difficult to do. You just have to look for the link to upload the image. I already told you where it is located. So you should be able to do it without any difficulties. I will be waiting for the upload. After you upload the image, I will review the essay once again. This time, I will be reviewing and scoring your work based on the instructions you were given.

@Holt
HERE THE IMAGE

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  56f14c73b1e01.jpeg
  

To, the score you will most likely get for this essay is a 5. That is because you missed out on some key bullet points from the image within your report summary. The first piece of information that you lacked in the overview was the reference to the earnings in billions of dollars. You should have also clearly listed down the years presented in actual number format in order to create a truly informed overview.

Now, in the short paragraph 2, instead of saying "3 things", you should make specific mention of the three gaming formats instead. That would have removed the mechanical feature of your presentation and also offer you an opportunity to further expand the explanation in the paragraph. Never say "the next year", always indicate the full year in numbers. You have a hanging sentence in "However, sales of three other stuff." Three other stuff what? There is a lacking subject in that sentence.

This essay would have been better developed if you had chosen to present the information in groups of 4 instead. The first group, would have shown the global sales of games covering mobile, online, console, and handheld games. The stagnating figure, could have been presented as a paragraph unto itself. However, these are writing styles that more seasoned writers are capable of doing. I would love it if you could aspire to achieve that status by first, trying to practice that style in your practice essays. If you can present your essays in a manner that shows a higher level of writing, you are sure to gain higher points in task accuracy and grammar range.