Unanswered [0] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
 
Home / Writing Feedback4

Essay: We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers


Topic: We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes.
What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependent on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits.


The computer is great invention, which can be used in many fields such as mechanical, electronics, robotics etc., Hence, usage of computers in modern society is increasing significant. This invention may cause change in our life style and it has been saving our time, also it has been a common device in our homes now. Computer technology and it's implementations are updating very fast.

In the near future, in banking sector going to become a fully computerized network, which may be used any where in the world. Therefore, customers can access their accounts anywhere in the world, and they may have the ability to make any kind of transactions. Furthermore, due to the huge development of software engineering, image processing techniques may be applied for the security purposes. Hence, your personal accounts such as bank, e-mail, etc., can't be accessed with out you or your finger print.

Computer base examinations are introduced now in many international and local authorities. Additionally, in the education sector, some universities are used to handle the examinations in paper base, but now they implementing their course in computer base online courses, so students do not need to come every day to universities for their studies.

Mainly computer systems are being used for store the information such as patient records, customer records, students records, reports etc. These saved records are being used for various purposes such as report generating, research purposes etc. Hence, we don't have any other device other than the computer for these activities. But, some other ways also available for our work, but they need to spend long time for end of the process. Also, in near future it might be increased the number of unemployment percentage, because job holders places are replaced by the computers.

At sum up, computer is important equipment for our lives and it included advantages such as fast, accuracy, clear etc., and dis-advantages such as increase of unemployment number, it may cause to some diseases. Hence, we have to amendments of constitution of computer use, then we can get the better output from the computers for our future prosperity.

Use THE.

The computer is a great...

When you use "The computer" this way, it means: "The invention known as the computer."

So... do this:

The computer is a great invention which can be used in many fields, such as...
'
Try to make the corrections suggested by Ajit and Robert. If you retype the essay using those corrections, I can look to see if you still have errors.

Do you have any questions about those corrections? Keep practicing!!

:-)
I see a comma and then a capital H:
The computer is great invention, which can be used in many fields such as mechanical, electronics, robotics etc., Hence , usage of computers in modern society is increasing tremendous.

The computer is great invention, which can be used in many fields such as mechanical, electronics, robotics etc. Hence, usage of computers in modern society is increasingly significant. ('tremendous" just means "very much." Significant means it has relevance and importance.)

In the near future, the banking sector is going to become a fully computerized network, which may be used anywhere in the world.--Look at all the small changes I made here.

Do not capitalize a word that comes after a comma. Take out the commas here:
Mainly, computer systems are being used for storing information, such as patient records, customer records, students records, reports etc. These saved records are being used for various purposes such as report generating, research purposes etc. Hence, we don't need any device other than the computer for these activities.---I took out all the commas and made some changes.

Do you see what I mean about the commas?
The computer is great invention, which can be used in many fields such as mechanical, electronics, robotics etc., Hence, usage of

There is a problem right here. Do not put a comma after the period. If I end a sentence with etc., the period with etc. also serves as the period to end the sentence. In the example above, you are ending the sentence with etc. Hence, you don't need a comma after it. See what I mean?

:-)

In the near future, the banking sector going to ...

Mainly computer systems are being used to store information, such as patient...
or
Mainly computer systems are being used for storing information, such as patient ...

Practice those corrections! :-)

Also, use THE:
Also, in the near future it might...
Also, in the near future we might see an increased percentage of unemployment, because positions are being replaced by computers.
  Closed ✓


Home / Writing Feedback /