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I believe that everyone is a leader because every great leadership start from self-leadership

debby17 8 / 20 5  
Oct 31, 2016   #1
Hi, I need some help in corrections/suggestions for my essay. Thank you.

Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers in their ...

I believe that everyone is a leader because every great leadership start from self-leadership. A true leader Inspire their surroundings. People follow leader not for the sake of that person but for themselves, because they share the same believe.

I believe that I am a leader since I was young. I managed myself to be good at school subjects, so several friends asked me to lead some group assignments. Those were the beginning of my leading experiences. Furthermore, I involved in broader leadership matter when I was in college. I joined a student organization of my major called Occupational Health and Safety Community (OHSC). I was a member of Health, Safety and Education (HSE) department which required us to facilitate the students of our major to gain more knowledge about practical sight of the major itself through several events which we organized. I took part as OHS Sharing Knowledge Project Officer in my first event. I managed to successfully conduct a seminar entitled OHS Sharing Knowledge: "Managing Stress to Increase Productivity" with about thirty participants which were supported by about ten staffs, OHS department and two professional speakers.

Several months after the seminar, I was chosen to organize a National Seminar of Occupational Health and Safety as an event coordinator. I persuaded OHS Expo Project Officer and other members, OHSC General Leader and other members, and department of Occupational Health and Safety with idea and theme of the national seminar. We held the seminar outstandingly with hundreds participants from all around Indonesia to know more about "Penyelarasan Paradigma K3:Landasan Perwujudan Berbudaya K3 Tahun 2015" from seven expertises of the field.

Moreover, I participated to be committee of Health, Safety and Environment International Seminar entitled Safety Leadership, Disaster & Crisis Management in the same year. The seminar was organized by World Safety Organization (WSO) and Center for Assessment and Application OHS Faculty of Public Health, University of Indonesia. Hundreds participants joined the seminar and dozens professional were the speaker of the seminar.

Additionally, co-founding a community named Komunitas Inspirasi Anak Nagari which inspire countryside young people about higher education and various kind jobs was my current leadership journey. The community have four main programs which are higher education sharing, job sharing, establishing a library and scholarship. I encouraged twenty five university students and various background professionals to share their experience to just below thousands students from 8 elementary school and 2 high school through our event last July. The third program will be officially launched at the end of the year entitle Inspirasi Buku which establish a library in the village. And the last program will be conduct in the middle of next year called Inspirasi Beasiswa which give scholarship to low income students to continue their education. We plan to conduct our program annually.

Everyone can become a leader because leadership start from yourself.
abhavsar 4 / 7 1  
Nov 1, 2016   #2
Hey Debby, I noticed a few grammatical errors in your essay.

1. Instead of "A true leader Inspire their surroundings," I think you might have meant to say "A true leader inspires their surroundings." Technically "their" is also grammatically incorrect... but there's no gender neutral pronoun other than "its". If the person reading this is nit-picky, just change "their" to "his" or "her."

2. "People follow leaders not for the sake of that leader but for themselves, (...) the same belief ."
3. "I believe that I am a leader since I was young" should be "I have been a leader since childhood."

There are many other grammatical errors like this.
OP debby17 8 / 20 5  
Nov 1, 2016   #3
Thanks a lot for the correction @ abhavsar

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