Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Essay writing about the benefits when people want to participate in team sports or individual sports


Hongkhanh 1 / 1  
Sep 28, 2018   #1

ielts writing task about playing sport



People have different views about the benefits when they participate in team sports or individual sports. While a great number of people think playing sports without connected with the others has advantages but i would argue that team sports is better.

On the one hand, there are many benefits when people take part in sports which are played alone such as swimming, tennis. Firstly, sport player don't receive the help of anyone, they are more independent. As a result, they don't depend on members in team.For instance, they can play in their own way when sudden situations are happen in match. Secondly, the prizes of individual sports belong to a person, solo player are able to enjoy whole the prize without sharing it. Therefore, they feel satisfied and happy with achievements which they sefl-gain . For example, the winner of the sport competition will be glorify by spectators sport and they will be receive a lot of money.

On the other hand, i suppose team sports has more advantages. Firstly, people have to connect with the others so that they can win the competitions, all people who are played in team will solidarity with members play together. Consequently, they achieve result which they are expecting easily. For instance, football players of U23 Vietnam team was supported mutual in order to overcome stronger rival than them in tournaments. Secondly, rule is one of the factors important to create a victory in a sport match of the team, team sports players learn the discipline and the respect. Therefore, gradully they become obey the law in competition and even in their life. For example, they are less mistake when playing sports. If people don't play sports with teammate, they won't open one's relationship with others.

In conclusion, while individual sports is a possitive but i believe that team sports is better.

hoanglinh 1 / 2 1  
Sep 28, 2018   #2
Firstly I would recommend that you should expand more on your conclusion, like summarizing what you mentioned on the body paragraphs.

Secondly I personally think your explanations for main ideas in each paragraph are not very convincing. For example you said "sport player don't receive the help of anyone, they are more dependent", which is not true. Besides other members, they still receive the help from their coach and their staff.

Another one is "Secondly, rule is one of the factors important to create a victory in a sport match of the team". I understand what you mean here, but it can easily be misunderstood that you think individual games dont have rules or regulations.

"If people don't play sports with teammate, they won't open one's relationship with others." Again, there are other people in sports that individual player must work together in order to gain success, not just team members.

Lastly, you still have some spelling mistakes in your essay like "sefl-gain", which should be "self-gain" or "gradully", which is "gradually" and grammar mistakes like "they are less mistake", which correctly is "they make less mistakes", or "law in competition" should be replace as "rules/regulations in competion". Cause I have not seen people usually use "law" when saying about "sport"
OP Hongkhanh 1 / 1  
Sep 28, 2018   #3
Thanks :))) I have just learned english. I will consider your opinions.


Home / Writing Feedback / Essay writing about the benefits when people want to participate in team sports or individual sports