Delaying studying for one year
My name is Dat, I'm a new member and this is my first post, just discovered this amazingly helpful forum, so I decided to post an essay here, I'm preparing for the IELTS test btw. Please give me feedbacks and a band score if possible, I've never taken the test before.
The essay was written by me in approximately 23 minutes. Feel free to comment.
Topic: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Presently, there has been a surge in popularity of high school graduates choosing to take a gap year before entering universities, mainly for working or traveling purposes. While some may think this procrastination is time-wasting and disruptive for the academic progress of youngsters, it would be unfounded to say this tendency does not bring any benefits whatsoever.
To begin with, advocates of the mentioned idea of taking a gap year suggest that as long as the skipped time between high school and college is well-spent, it can actually be valuable for newly-grads. To illustrate, if one decides to apply for an actual job at a company, he or she may develop awareness of what a genuine working experience is like and therefore, come up with a better decision of which major should he or she choose when enrolling in tertiary education. For instance, one year of practicum in a highly-interactive job such as a sale agent can help a student whose original aim was to study Information Technology to discover which job suits him or her best. In other words, it is undoubted that delaying college can actually be good for young people in terms of completing their perspectives.
Nevertheless, antagonists of the above idea claim that a year spent without any formal education is a total waste of time and can detrimentally affect students' learning process. According to them, when being away from an educational environment for a long period, students might fail to recall the academic knowledge that they have acquired previously, which inhibits their capacity when attending universities. However, this idea is not applicable to all cases, as many students, including those who travel during their gap year, are exposed to various new aspects of knowledge, from languages to practical skills at work like presentation or team-working, which assist them greatly in college. Thence, if the gap year is not squandered for pointless purpose, it will actually bring more merits to youngsters than demerits.
All in all, given the fact that a gap year is a relatively long span for students if they choose not to proceed to college immediately after high school, some hold belief that the drawbacks incurred from this are obvious. I am, however, inclined to the idea that this decision tends to create more favorable outcomes for students as long as they spend this time wisely. (393 words)
Thank you sincerely!!
Hi there, Dat!
Welcome to the forum. Let me help you work through your essay.
For the amount of time you had poured into writing, the essay is quite well-written. I would only say that you should try to evade unnecessary lines that can drag your essay down. What this means is you should try to only include texts that would be beneficial for you. Try to evade confusing lines at all costs. Being straightforward would help you in the process.
Let's try to optimize your content to make your essay more effective.
There has been a surge in popularity of high school graduates who have chosen to take gap years before entering universities, mainly for work or travel purposes. While most think that this is time wasting and disruptive of the academic progress for young people, there are still benefits.
While you may think that adding a lot of words would help you have more complexity and engagement in your content, long-form sentences can also discourage/prevent you from developing more depth in your writing. Use these words instead to allocate more substantive content that'll help you develop your essay's meaning. For instance, in your second to the last paragraph, you spent a good chunk of this repeating that there are more unforeseen benefits when a person travels or does other non-educational activities during their gap year. It would be beneficial if you could expound on this said potential.
Best of luck as always!