the advantages and disadvantages of a gap year
Topic: It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
These days, it is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. Although some disadvantages can be seen from the phenomenon, the advantages are more significant.
Having a year off between high school and university presents several drawbacks. First, the knowledge can be forgot after one year without recall. Many students who come back university after one year off have some difficulties with the old knowledge in high school and the new knowledge in the university. They take more time than the students who go straight to university after high school in the beginning for pursuing university education. Second, the opportunities to get a job may be lost. The students who continue academic education after finishing high school will finish tertiary education earlier than the students who have a year off and they can get a permanent job with a stable incomes.
However, those disadvantages above still cannot overshadow the advantages. First, a gap year before attending college will be a good time to save money for studying if you have difficulties with the university fees, or if you want to become an independent person, or if you want to share with your parents apart tuition. You can get a full time job or temporary job to work for saving money. Second, there are many good social skills that you can learn from this year. With a volunteer work, you will have a good chance to experience new experiences outside school and family environment to learn the skills. Third, one year off is a perfect moment to orient your future. Many people when finish high school, they do not know exactly what they desire for their lives, what major they will pursue. They just make a decision because that is the choice of their parents or their friends. One year off after finish high school likes a pause moment to see, to discern, to make a good orientation and to live.
In conclusion, despite there are some disadvantages in term of knowledge and chance to get a job in university environment, the advantages are more worthy to consider. With the social experiences and a good orientation beside comfort about tuition will be a good preparation to build the future.
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Nguyen, since this is your first time posting in this forum, I will give you some leeway and explain to you the various means by which you can improve your essay presentation in order to gain a decent overall score. We will have to go point by point on this so you have to read what I am saying and make sure you understand how to execute these instructions.
First of all, when you write the prompt paraphrase, you must ensure that you are only delivering the correct information, as indicated in the original prompt. Your discussion of the original prompt is both lacking in sentence requirement (at least 3 sentences) and a proper representation of the prompt. The correct paraphrase for your prompt is:
There is an increase in the number of students taking a gap year between their secondary and tertiary education. This year long respite from education is said to have advantages and disadvantages. In this essay, I will be presenting one advantage and one disadvantage discussion stemming from the so-called year long "academic leave".
Since the prompt is not asking you to discuss each of the advantages and disadvantages, then it is enough that you offer an explanatory reason for each rather than changing the prompt as you did do indicate that one side of the discussion is more important than the other. The prompt is not requiring such a discussion and doing so shows that you did not fully understand the instructions for the discussion. This will force a lower TA score for you.
You are also delivering less that stellar discussions per paragraph because you are forcing yourself to present 2 reasons, which you cannot fully explain because of the 5 sentence maximum requirement per paragraph. You actually end up going beyond the allowable maximum in your paragraphs because you present up to 9 sentences per paragraph. There is a one topic maximum requirement per paragraph. The single topic allows you to fully develop your discussion, rather than just presenting half baked and haphazard representations of reasons, which will end up garnering you a failing C&C score.
The conclusion is also problematic since it doesn't follow the summary format for the closing paragraph presentation. The concluding paragraph is the same as the opening paragraph requirement with the only difference being that now, the concluding statement needs to summarize the discussion points instead of offering a thesis statement at the end of the paragraph.