(thanks a lot for stop by my topic, and thank for your advice then, I'm so glad to see them)
Caring for old people was traditionally the responsibility of families. However, the best form of care for the elderly depends on the family situation. It depends on whether family members have the time resource.
"Caring for old people was traditionally the responsibility of families. However, the best form of care for the elderly depends on whether family members have the time resource and their belief.
In the past, at the job of taking care of older family members fell to the woman. Now many women choose to work, so they do not have time to take care of older family members. In addition, residential homes provide care for a large number of elderly people. This is a professional service, and nurses are trained to take care of senior citizens. They will have their health needs tended to by professionals. Also, they can make friends with many people of the same age. For this reason it is considered as an option for busy people who need to take care of their elderly parents.
By contrast, they can take care of their parents by themselves if they either have the time or take their time resources. They saw their parents through by both getting time to confide in them and cooking for them delicious meals. Older people tend to have a better outlook on life when they live with their adult children. Many studies have recently indicated that the mental health plays a vital role in helping us live longer. Therefore the better choice turns out to be to keep their parents living under the same roof even if they are very busy.
Taking care of our aged parents may see like a burden at times, but it is better than having them cared for by strangers. As a result, we can both show the full meaning of honour to them and help them enjoy and stay longer in their fulfilling life."
Pham, you have written a pretty generic essay about elderly care. It contains the rudimentary information about how they were cared for in the past but does not look towards the current and future trends in caring for the elderly. Perhaps you should be discussing that in the essay as well? That is just an opinion that I developed based upon the current format and content of your essay. Since you did not provide us with the essay prompt, it is difficult for me to make more accurate comments which can provide a good review for your essay. Is there a chance you can provide us with a copy of the prompt so that we can offer you a better essay review and comments? We really want to help you polish this essay, which shows your potential to write creatively and informatively, at the soonest possible time :-) We are awaiting the essay prompt.
Thanks for stopping my essay!
I rewrote my essay so could you take a look and give me some advice! I'm really looking forward to take them!
This is definitely better than the first one Pham. I am just wondering if you cannot be discussing more in this essay. You have already discussed both sides of the issue but your opinion on the matter would definitely bring an extra boost to the essay. I do not know why but I just feel like this essay is craving for your personal opinion in one of the paragraphs. Is there any chance that your personal opinion is also being requested for in the original essay prompt? By adding your voice or personal opinion on the matter, one of the two sides that you discussed will become the predominant side and therefore, be the winning side in this sort of argumentative essay. Can you try to write the essay with your voice/personal opinion thrown in? Let's see if it will flow better that way :-)