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The best holiday ever (Say where you went and what you saw, and explain why it was the best holiday)


HuongT 1 / 1  
May 12, 2019   #1

travel to the Japanese pagoda



When the new year holiday of last year, I were working in Japan so I travelled to the Japanese pagoda for sightseeing. I travelled alone because my colleagues and friends go home to Vietnam.

The pagoda is on an island far 100 kilometers from my flat. I went to this place by fair and lost over 800 Japanese yen. My smartphone could not access the internet because I did not register so for careful preparation, I searched and saved maps of the way from my home to the destination. It was so easy to go to the pagoda. At the gate, I took a picture of the pagoda map so I could sightsee spectacular landscapes and monumental architect completely and quickly. I took a lot of pictures of my journey collections.

But, I was in trouble with my phone, suddenly it turned off, I tried to restart it but useless. I really worried, I thought my picture will be lost, and at that moment, I did not have the map to go home.

By something I could remember and asking some visitors, I cameback to the port and went home at 16 o'clock.

Maria [Contributor] - / 274 137  
May 12, 2019   #2
@HuongT
Be cautious of the forms of the words that you use in your essay. I have noticed that you have a lot of technical, grammatical mistakes sporadically throughout your writing. To evade this, you should try to be wary and aware of when you are writing to ensure that you use appropriate terminologies all throughout.

In addition to this, being more descriptive can also go a long way when you are writing. When you are writing your personal experiences, it would be better if you could use all your senses in expounding on what your emotions were as you were in that moment. Doing this will create a more in-depth feeling for your essay.

Let's revise a couple portions of your essay.

During the new year holiday last year, I was working in Japan. I visited the Japanese pagoda.* [...]

My smartphone did not have access to the internet as I was unable to register in preparation. I searched and saved maps to the destination; I found it easy to locate the pagoda! [...]


*You should try to add more specific details here. What is this pagoda called? In which area of Japan were you staying? How was the pagoda's area different from the area that you were working in? Did these changes and variations come off as interesting to you as a traveler in Japan?

Best of luck! Just remember to always be specific, innovative, and creative when you are delivering experiences - and you'll go a long way.


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