Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


[Toefl] best methods to get teenagers accustomed to adult life is part-time job



jostar 6 / 13  
Aug 6, 2011   #1
Topic: One of the best methods to get teenagers accustomed to adult life is to get them part-time jobs. Agree or disagree?

Some argue taking part-time jobs would bring the young generation a comprehensive understanding of the adult life, letting them adjust to this kind of life more easily. However, I don't believe part-time jobs would serve as effectively as some peoples predicts, and there are a couple of alternative options that could be taken as better replacements.

Admittedly, part-time jobs would relieve the financial pressure of the adolescents, and give them the general picture of what adult lives could be. However, most teenagers would not end up being a waiter in the restaurant, a bartender in the night club, or a sales assistant in the supermarket. These positions are most likely to be taken a part-time job, which cost you a large amount of time and effort with limited payment. There is an interesting story in the film titled, "Cash back", which tells about a boy working as an assistant as a part-time job in the supermarket at midnights. In this short film, he tried to give a philosophical interpretation of what he does, which is merely exchanging his own time for money. I really feel for him in the end, because I realize it does take excruciating pain for him to get through this, knowing the adult life seems to be a boring and painstaking journey. Surely this kind of experience won't help the young people more easily to adjust to adult life, on the contrary, teenagers would rather stay under the shelter of their parents, and schools, and totally abandon the anticipation of a better future.

In addition, a bunch of other options are waiting for the young kids to consider, and part-time job might not be the best one. Certainly the communication with your parents will bring you much more reliable suggestions. Parents are the most intimate adults one could meet with, and their examples would provide you most vivid and precise understanding of the adult life. Plus, internship in the industry that you'd like to devote is also a good choice, since at least you do what you love, not those repeating, meaningless labor work. For instance, I once volunteered to work for an independent film festival during summer vacation, and the experiences in this event almost changed my life. Because of the love and passion about films, I was fascinated to witness how a film festival is organized, and really enjoyed to work with the filmmakers that I admire. Eventually I made my mind to start my career in the film industry. Obviously this sort of experience would bring more benefits for one to get used to adult life than simply taking a part-time job.

Therefore, I believe part-time jobs might not serve its alleged merits, and one could take some alternative options into consideration when trying to experience the adult life

Ps. internship and part-time job is different, right? otherwise I may revise the 3rd para.

Comment is Free.

dumi 1 / 6795  
Aug 6, 2011   #2
You write well and really dont have to worry much about TOEFL. Just have a look at my suggestions below;

However, I don't believe part-time jobs would serve as effectively as some peoples predicts, and there are a couple of alternative options that could be taken as better replacements.

Admittedly, part-time jobs would relieve the financial pressure of the adolescents, and give them the general pictureunderstanding aboutofwhat adult liveslifecouldbe .

These positions are most likely to be taken asa part-time jobs , which cost you a large amount ofconsume a lot of tim e and effort withcompared to the limited payment they offer to a teenager. There is an interesting story in the film titled, "Cash back", which tells about a boy working as an a part time assistant as a part-time job in the a supermarket at midnightsnights . In this short film,This filmhe triedattempts to give a philosophical interpretation of what he does, which is merely exchanging his own time for money.

GOOD LUCK!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Aug 11, 2011   #3
An internship can be a part time job, but sometimes an internship is something you do not get paid for.
An internship is supposed to be a learning experience for people entering a professional field.

Thanks, Dumi, for the great edit!

Zhou, please type the sentences that we correct for you in this forum. For example, type this sentence to practice:

Some argue that taking part-time jobs would bring the young generation a comprehensive understanding of adult life, letting them adjust to this kind of life more easily.---I only made a small change here. Your sentence was good already.

and this:

Therefore, I believe part-time jobs might not always have the alleged merits, and one could take some alternative options into consideration when trying to experience the adult life.

Great English!


Home / Writing Feedback / [Toefl] best methods to get teenagers accustomed to adult life is part-time job
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳